Sky News made a seagull eat my chips

SO, with the date of the most important referendum any of us will have endured for the past 6 months only a couple of hours away, the media has been in overdrive about it. It’s rather like my house and CDs. YOu can’t turn hour head without either an opinion on Brexit (I absulutely hate the phrase) or someone spouting why my little tick on a piece of paper would CHANGE the face OF THE WORLD.

Anyway, enough about that, and about what was my most memorable part of this whole election debarcle. I just happened to be at work, after dragging myself from my man-flu laden pit, and glanced at one of the tellies that constantly show Sky News (except for that brief period where England had an afternoon game, and they were switched over to the footy), and noticed something familiar. Kay ” As Coarse As Sandpaper Undies” Burley.

Well, yes, she’s familar. But it was the background that caught my attention, and the fact it said “Hartlepool”, in the top right corner sort-of gave it away. Yes, Sky News had invaded my little home town. And, not only that, they were on the Marina about 10 minutes away from where I worked.

I headed off in the general direction of where they were broadcasting from, and a big old satellite truck gave their exact location away. Of course, the first stop off would be some dinner, and off I popped to get some chips. Bloody hell. £2 Two English Pounds. Apparently, this was a temporary price rise due to the price of potatoes going up. Oddly, I hadn’t seen anywhere else putting their prices up, but never mind. I got a portion of chips, and slowly walked around wh were the camera crew were.

I make no screts about me having an interest in television, and I love to take a good old photo of a telly camera whenever possible, and today was no exception. Unafortunately, I couldn’t get *really* close as they were broadcasting from a pontoon behind a 6 foot gate.


In order to document the whole experience in digital form (a.k.a. take that photo), I had to put my chips down. That’s when an enterprising little twat known as Steven Seagull grabbed the bloody tray of chips from me, drag it just enough distance to save them from being hygenically rescued, and began to tear the tray open in front of my eyes.


Yeah, thanks Sky News. You cost me my dinner.

(In case you’re wondering, yes, I did deflatedly pick the mangled tray/fork up and put it in a bin. I can’t stand litter.)

Percy’s Pointless Pictures

Ahhh. The gallery. It’s been around for several years, and every so often, I’ll upload some photos to it, and I’ll place a link on facebook or something, and then it gets forgotten about, and even I don’t pay as much attention as I should do.

Mainly because I couldn’t think of a catchy name. “The gallery of Mercuryvapour”. What does that tell you? Bugger all. It certainly doesn’t tell you an ything.

Whilst on a trip two weeks ago to Oulton Park (see, there’s the first link to it!) I was taking random photos out of the car window, and Jamie S came out with the phrase “Percy’s Pointless Pictures”. I laughed out loud. It was perfect. And that’s what I’ve decided to call the gallery.

Here’s a trip I took to Whitby.

And what about the recent Kielder Trip?” I’m still recovering from this.

The map on the top of each page is interactive, so if you want to see exactly where a photo is taken it will show you. For those who I attend walks / days out with, this is the reason I will occasionally stop and wait for the GPS to connect, otherwise it doesn’t record correctly, and it puts the location in the middle of the sea somewhere (a GPS location of 99.99999 by 999.99999).

Feel free to have a click around. Oh yes, ignore those Steam screenshots. I’ll probably be getting rid of those when I start to run out of server space.

Get with the times. It’s all about the vlog now

Oho. Here was a mad idea. The camera had been on charge all night. Could I do a vlog? Chris and I had arranged to go somewhere. No idea where. Turns out we ended up in Darlington. As there is literally nothing to film there (except for a 5 second segment of an over enthusiastic Domino’s Pizza seller in a spiderman outfit), most of it is us listening to shit CDs, and why I should never, EVER, be put in control of the music choice.

So, what do YOU want to read….

As you know, it’s been a while since I’ve written a proper blog, so I thought I’d ask on Facebook what subjects you’d like to see me cover. Like performing seals, some of you slapped your flippers over the keyboard and came up with some cracking ideas for me to type about. Some of them more coherent than others. Naaah. I’m only kidding. I liked all of them, and in time honoured tradition, I shall go through and type what I can about each subject.

So, let’s start off with Jamie S’s suggestions…

Your hobbies and interests. Oh wait…

Ho ho. He’s obviously being sarco-ma-tastic there, as I’m constantly discussing my hobbies and interests. For new viewers, the interests are streetlights and collecting music. Or rather, hoarding music. More on that later. Onto Jamie’s 2nd suggestion…

Also, curry king

This was a suggestion we’d banded around between ourselves over the last few months, but I can never see it working. It’s sort of a guide to good curries around Hartlepool and other areas on the north east. To me, a good curry is something that has you doubled over on the toilet at 5AM in the morning, waiting for the intense burning session to stop. I like my curries hot, so really it would have just been a guide on vindaloos. Not everyone’s cup of darjeeling. Also, the name “Curry King” has been used many times. This may be something I do in the future, but until I get a good name for it, and good criteria (and actual followers to this blog again), it’ll be on the back burner, for want of a better expression.

Sunshine FM

Ahhh, Coatesy suggested this one!

You may remember Coatesy. He was once regularly featured on the blog. Unfortunately, about 5 or 6 years ago, we lost touch, and thanks to the magic of Facebook, have got back in touch.

Waaay back in the mid 2000s, we recorded “Sunshine FM”. Basically, it was a “radio show” that went on for an hour. I use the quotes, because, of course, it was never intended to be broadcast, and heard by nobody else other than us two.

It was put onto CD, and I don’t think I ever listened to it again. I don’t know if Coatesy ever got a copy.

The original CD was binned in 2011, however, due to my own personal archive policy, I ripped the CD, so it still exists as an MP3 file!


I’ve taken a listen to a little bit of it, and oh boy. Basically, it was “shout into the microphone, say fuck to the point where even *I* think it’s unnecessary, and then play music at a much quieter volume.

I used to record these pretendy “radio shows” going back to when I was a kid, and technically I never stopped. To this day, I still knock out an occasional “I Bet You Don’t Like This”, where I dig through the worst of my record collection, and do hour-long podcasts about them. IBYDLT did find its way onto an online radio station, however this station is now defunct.

Pubs, curry houses 8)

I guess that one’s similar to the curry king thing. Pubs is one I’d be interested in doing. I still frequent The Mill House on a regular basis. It’s about to change hands, so it’ll be interesting to see that happens there

Didn’t you have a blog before lol


Keep it topical. The EU Referendum

There’s three things I’ll never blog about. Religion, politics, and girlfriends. Opinions on leaving the EU are like arseholes. Everyone’s got one, but I don’t particularly want to hear it.

I will say this, I’d like to hit the person who invented the word “Brexit” hard. In the face. With a chair.


An interesting one. Personally, I use Dove. Yeah, I know it’s a girly thing, but sod you all. I prefer Dove, over any other brand of soap. My face has the annoying habit of breaking out in a red rash if I use normal soap )same thing happens when I shave) if I use any other brand. So, it’s Dove all the way. Plus, I like the smell.


a. Get with the times. It’s all about the vlog now
b.He’s done some vlogs. Should never been seen

Yes, I did do some blogs. I’m pretty sure these are now nearly 10 years old. The problem with the vlogs, is that by the time I’d recorded, edited, added captions and music, it was easier to just type a damn blog. Nothing has changed. Here’s a quick example of what the vlogs were like, for those who missed them…

I actually started the vlog originally, because I wanted to see how quickly I began to gain negative comments. I’d planned to have a section on here about the hate comments, and then reply in my own way about them. In the entire series of videos, there was one persion who called me a “cheeky c*nt”. Turned out people actually quite liked the vlogs, so it sort of backfired.

Your 7 inches

I once knew a guy who worked in a bookshop. A woman came into the shop and asked if he had a book on double-entendres. So he gave her one.

At present, there are over 1,800 7″ singles in the collection. I could, literally type about them all day. Funnily enough, I’d started writing a blog about my last trip to the record fair, but I’d written about 1,000 words and I hadn’t even got as far as getting off the train, so I never finished it. Literally a case of tl;dw.

Lamp posts.

Ahhh, I said we’d get back to this subject, and we have. Thanks Chad for suggesting this. Again, this is something I’ve meant to type about for a good long while, as Hartlepool has “gone through the change”. No, not in a menopausal way, but the majority of its streetlighting stock has now been converted to LED.

One thing that did happen though, is that a lamp post fell over on Wednesday on the Powlett Road roundabout. I was heading to work, and I saw it collapsed, as apparently the base had rusted through.

Ironically, it was one of the few columns that had escaped the change, and was carrying the last 1980s GEC z2994M GRP canopy SOX lantern. Unfortunately it hadn’t worked for a while, and that may be why it was never replaced. It might have been in such a bad shape, that they were going to replace it.

Seems like gravity gave them a helping hand.

EDIT: This post has been updated to say the post had been updated. It was actually carrying an Ampera LED lantern, which was installed 10 days before the column fell over. Still, it was the last Z9554m lighting Hartlepool’s streets anyway.

And just as I was about to hit Submit, here’s another one!

Smelly public transport

Unfortunately, I have eyes that are shit, and are only going to get shitter. For those who followed my laser eye surgery post, I got the letter through today, so I know the date I’m going under. That’s obviously for another blog though. The previous statement means that I obviously have to rely on public transport for my daily commutes.

There was the time, just a month or two back when I got on the bus, a red-hot day. I had my headphones on, and just as I was putting my card on the reader, my ears heard the sound of retching. Yup, a lady was actually being sick on the bus. Thankfully, her husband, who didn’t seem to be too unfazed by the event, had provided her with a carrier bag, and the vomiting, coughing, spitting and of course, the smell, carried on for the entire journey.

I can’t say why she was being sick so violently. The bus runs from Middlesbrough, so she may have just got out of hospital. The whole thing was just unpleasant for all concerned.

Right, anyway, I’m going to leave you with that lovely thought in your head. Any further suggestions, let me know in the comments. They *do* work, you know.

Tacky Chinese pirates attempt to clone Madonna…

`As you know, I am a purveyor of some of the best and the worst of music. Sometimes I’ve found some albums which have clearly been bootlegged. As in, not genuine. Someone with access to a pressing plant thinks they can make a quick quid by doing what is, usually, quite a good job of knocking out a CD or two. Usually they make a decent job of it, and sometimes

Today, while on my almost-daily peruse of the local charity shops, I came across this. Because this is quite clearly a bootleg CD, and the guys over in Asia-land just really aren’t trying. I bring you… THIS Madonna “Greatest Hits” album…


The first thing you’ll notice is that the sleeve is in the case upside-down. Yeah, that was me. I took it out, and couldn’t get back in the normal way. Even the case isn’t very good. Firstly, look at that choice of picture. I sincerely doubt ol’ Madge would be happy to have that image on the front of an album. I know she’s a show off and all that, but it doesn’t exactly leave much to the imagination.


So, onto the back of the case. Same photo on the back, but the errors start to become clear. “La Isla Bonnita”, for instance, and where on earth is “Los Angelis”?. And from what I can see, there was never a Star Records there.


And finally, the CD. I’ve saved the best until last. Just look at it. Take it in. Look at the track names.


No, I haven’t listened to it. And to be honest, I don’t think I ever will. I have a sneaking suspicion this didn’t originate from 24-bit digital masters…