Oh, apparently Eurovision started tonight. Tha was news to me. I just happened to load up Iplayer and there it was. Therefore, it’s of course, time for me to do my review of each song. Do I like them? Well, if last years’ was anything to go by… yes. I remember actually liking quite a few of them… so much so that I actually went and bought the CD… which ,at the time of typing, is still on the shelf in its cellophane. Can’t have like ed them that much. Oh well. Without further ado, here’s what I think of them, from the list hurriedly copied and pasted off the Aeurovision website, because I didn’t realise this was tonight until 10 minutes ago…
Cyprus Silia Kapsis Liar
So, we’re already starting off generic. I could have sworn she sang “Fuck you.” That’d be an interesting start. Something about someone being a liar. It got better, and it was actually quite catchy
Serbia TEYA DORA RAMONDA
No idea why this title is in capitals. I just left it like that. Oh, we’re already on to the slow ones. some wifey sat on a plastic rock and, of course, ligh shining through the dry ice on the floor. I have absolutely no idea what language it’s in. It’s completely forgettable, and I don’t think it’ll get anywhere.
Lithuania Silvester Belt Luktelk
Apparently, this one’s quite catchy, and he has some type of weird face piercing. Oooh, It’s catchy, though I really think it should have had more to it… though it’s probably the best one so far.
Ireland Bambie Thug Doomsday Blue
I…. er…. wow… this is a bit weird. Actually, no, it’s very weird. This is quite possibly one of the weirdest things I’ve ever watched.
Oh, now here’s ours. the first time I’ve heard this. Absolutely nil points. I don’t know what’s happening with that set. Are they upside down or not? I don’t get it. Someone in the commentary box just climaxed. I don’t even know who’s doing it this year.
Ukraine alyona alyona & Jerry Heil Teresa & Maria
A powerful and solumn ballad, apparently. Already a no from me and I’ve only heard 5 seconds. Actually, I spoke too soon, it’s not all that bad. I have no idea on the lyrics. I heard something about “politica” in there, so I’m probably best off not having a translation if I’m honest. Guessing it’s either about the war, or female empowerment. Or both.
Poland LUNA The Tower
Ah, here it is. the first stupid dress of the contest, unless you count Ireland’s. that was more just scary, though. The song isn’t that bad. Same thing over and over again, something about her building a tower. Probably won’t get through
Croatia Baby Lasagna Rim Tim Tagi Dim
Hahaha. Now, I caught about 5 seconds of this when I accidentally went to live view. Apparently, this one is the favourite to win Loud, aggressive and memorable, apparently. And yes, this is what I like about Eurovision. Absolutely, without doubt, my favourite so far, and if this doesn’t qualify, I’ll eat my cat. I love everything about this. Mind you, I said that about some of the songs last year that failed to qualify
celand Hera Björk Scared of Heights
Nope, this one doesn’t have anything going for it. Very generic pop feel to it, nothing is sticking out as being memorable about it. I don’t think it’ll get through.
Now there’s another qualifier… Isaac – Always on the Run. There’s an oil barrel on fire. I wonder if it sets off the sprinklers. That’ll be hilarious. Oh, I think I’ve heard this one somewhere before. Apparently has the sound of a real elephant in the chorus. Oh, now that whole set’s on fire. It’s obviously qualified, but is it going to win the whole thing? Is it feck.
Slovenia Raiven Veronika
Despite all of the VT clips and bits in between songs, I’m still 15 minutes behind. I could quite easily make three minutes back by fast-forwarding this. Absolutely no chance of qualifying. That suit’s not leaving much to the imagination. Lots of screaming and that weird tongue-roll thing.
Finland Windows95man No Rules!
I’ve been told about this one. That’s actually one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in the history of watching these. Nekkid bloke, with amusing props about the stage to hide his modesty. I didn’t even listen to the song as I was laughing that hard.
Moldova Natalia Barbu In The Middle
Aaaaaand we’re back in the room. If there was a song that defined the exact middle of Eurovision, this would be it. I don’t hate it. I don’t like it. Bit of violin, bit of operatic-type screeching.
Now it’s Sweden’s turn, they’ve already qualified so I don’t really need to say much about it, but the vocalist sounds like the bloke out of Savage Garden. The lighting is playing absulte havoc with the encoding. Not many to go now.
Azerbaijan FAHREE feat. Ilkin Dovlatov Özünl? Apar
Well, it’s been a poor turn out so far, hasn’t it? With only four more to go, there’s only a couple I’ll listen to again. Guess what? This isn’t one of them.
Australia Electric Fields One Milkali (One Blood)
So, if anything, I’ve learned that “Milkali” is aboriginal for blood. 90s synth piano. Synth bass. The guy playing the keyboard hasn’t pressed a single key yet. Someone should tell him how to at least play pretendy. And now there’s a bloke with a digeridoo just walked on. I like this one. Hope it goes through. Been a poor crop so far.
Portugal iolanda Grito
Well, it’s started off slow, and I don’t think it’s going to get much better than this. the crowd like it, however, so it’ll probably get through.
gLuxembourg TALI Fighter
Well, I do quite like this one. I’m not sure if the audio is dropping out or if it’s actually in the song, though. Oh, CGI leapords too, that look like they’re from the 90s. Looks like Luxembourg never upgraded past the Geforce 2.
Right, that’s the lot for part one. I can get to fast forward through all the dreck in the middle while the voting takes place.
So, the winners are…
SERBIA
PORTUGAL – Yes, it did get through.
SLOVENIA – Guess someone liked that weird tongue roll
UKRAINE – Yeah, I liked that one.
LITHUANIA
FINLAND – Yay, Windows95Man is through.
CYPRUS – Wasn’t bad.
CROATIA – Glad they got through.
IRELAND – Huh. Guess the goths were out in force.
LUXEMBOURG – Guess someone liked those Geforce 2 leopards.
Yeah, so I’m surprised Australia never got through. I’ll probably not post anything on Thursday as it clashes with the darts, but I’ll probably record it and watch it later.
