Hey, maybe I’m impatient (and maybe I should groups all of these under one post), but 15 minutes have passed, and it is still not available to download from what I can see.
Instead now, I’m getting…
Http/1.1 Service Unavailable
You may recall this was the exact same message that appeared when Amazon went down a couple of weeks back.
I’ll keep you informed, I’m *that* bored tonight.
21 years ago, my dad acquired a video camera. This wasn’t a camcorder by any means, it was a HUGE black + white 70’s security camera, probably removed from a nightclub or somewhere like that. The words “WAY IN” were permanently burned across the picture. It didn’t have a microphone either.
But, when you’re a 4 year old, seeing yourself on the telly is one of the greatest experiences ever.
This tape has been kept under lock and key, in a proper case, since then. The tape had been added to over the years, and ranges from September 1984 to July 1992, when the tape finally got full.
While searching for something, my dad unearthed this tape, and, for the first time ever, I bring you some insight into its contents…
It starts off innocently enough. (Well, it’s all innocent, but you know what I mean).
My dad is whistling into the microphone hastily connected from something else. After doing that to make sure it’s working, he announces the date, and then stops the tape. A brief clip of Minder can just about be seen, when I appear for the first time.
The first few minutes of the video are simply me trying to say my name into the microphone, but constantly unable to stop laughing. Eventually, I calm down enough to say my name and “My name is Jamie, and I’m nearly 5… and I go to school”. Next comes an announcement that I’d been playing with the plasticine in Mrs Nixon’s class. She was a lovely teacher.
Moving back to the video, next is a quality piece of tape. For whatever reason, I’d screamed into the mic, and I thought I’d broken it.
Naturally, I hadn’t, and all was well.
Next is a weird part. I try to explain something I STILL don’t really understand. You know when you look into a bright light, and it leaves a pattern of colours on your eye for a few seconds… I try to describe that. This opening section was recorded on the upstairs telly in the front bedroom. Hence the tacky wallpaper.
So, anyway after I announce “I CAN SEE THE COLOURS EVERYWAAAR”, it was songtime. One theme I’ve picked up from this video is that, as a 4 year old, the only song I knew was “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”… this time I sang it twice. Gripping stuff.
That’s the end of the first section. The camera is then moved into the living room, where the picture quality is surprisingly bright.
I’m wearing my stripy, glittery jumper. I always remember that jumper.
This, I think, is a couple of days later. Once again, the line of questioning resorts back to school. Well, I suppose there isn’t a lot you could ask a 4-year-old. I announce that “The boys were playing with my glasses”. And what quality glasses they are. I had these right from when I started to need them, when I was about 3, right up until I was seven. And yes, I’m pretty sure at some point, they were held together by elastoplast. Sadly, not in THIS motion picture.
Songtime approaches shortly after, with a…. ahem “different” rendition of “Frere Jaques”, and “4+20 Blackbirds”. Thankfully, the recording ends before I warble some other classics.
The next bit is filmed on a morning, no date given. It’s my dad pissing around with the camera, filming my mam and nanna. It looks like my nanna’s just had an operation on her knee, as it’s all strapped up, and there are crutches behind her chair.
It’s a morning where I was due in school, as after my nanna says to my dad “Eeee, haway Bob!”, you can clearly hear me crying. This was customary for me on a school morning. The recording stops, and once again, we’re treated to another few seconds of Minder.
Next is a section with my half-cousin Lisa, who I haven’t seen for YEARS. Guess what we sing first? “Twinkle, twinkle, etc”.
Now, Lisa, at the time. was a couple of years older than me. And, surprisingly, still is. She cleverly changed the last line to “Twinkle, twinkle, Little Star, What you say is what you are”. I was mortified, SHE RUINED MY SONG, etc.
So, what did we sing next? TTLS, of course. But this time *I* had the mic. And *I* sung it properly.
Lisa introduced herself as being 6, but unfortunately, there was no date given, so I’m not sure when it’s been recorded.
Next, surprisingly, a change of song. “Humpty Dumpty” came up next. Not many people know that Humpty Dumpty was actually written about a cannon, which fell from a castle wall and couldn’t be fixed. See? This post is both educational AND embarrassing.
Once again, a change of lyrics by Lisa meant that I was whittering on… “NO, you got that wrong! Start again!” So, we did. And, I did the hand actions. Truly, truly harrowing.
Songtime continued. By now, we had enough to release an EP, yet the classics still kept coming. “When the Red Red Robin” came next, followed closely by “I have seen the Golden Sunshine”, and bringing up the rear is “Jesus’ Hands Are Kind Hands”. For whatever reason, I decided I didn’t like that song, and spent the rest of the song with my finders in my ears. You think I’m kidding?
My god, any psychiatrists reading this would have a field day. The microphone was handed to me after my show of dissatisfaction. I had a chance to sing again. What did I choose? Humpty Dumpty again. Thankfully, within 8 seconds, it was over. But you won’t believe what I sang next. “Twinkle, sodding twinkle, little bastard star” AGAIN. This video has been playing for 18 minutes, and that’s the 6th time I’ve heard it!
So, after that sparkling rendition (complete with the actions), my dad had obviously got bored, and said “Waaay, that was good. Do you want to see yourselves?”. And, the recording stopped.
There was no Minder this time, instead it jumped, almost like some superb home editing suite to the next portion of the tape. There were my two cousins, John and Julie, and my aunt Rose. Unfortunately, during the whole segment, the camera wasn’t very steady, and what little audio there was, is painfully quiet.
Next section is me and William, someone who I went to infants with, and his mother still lives around the corner from me. We were best of friends pretty much up until our early teens, but eventually, we went our separate ways. Anyway, it’s mainly juvenile stuff, naturally. And me proving that I have the attention span of a goldfish, by playing with a toy car during the whole proceedings.
Moving on from there, the next section must be my fifth birthday. Julie, my cousin is there, and it looks as if I’ve received Lego for my birthday! I loved Lego.
That’s where I’m going to leave it for now. We’re not even halfway through the video
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