Good lord, I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words. I’m ashamed at myself, but yes, it really is, only the 2nd post I’ve made since completing my mammoth Vienna review. I’ve been doing what Chad said to all these years, getting myself out there. It’s almost 3AM on Xmas Eve Eve as I type this. I probably should be crawling through the door now, but hell, I’m 32 now, I have to give my partying plimmies a rest some nights.

The wrst thing is, about leaving this blog for so long is the old “where to start” mentality. I’ve had so many good moments, shocking moments, and moments where I’ve made myself an absolute menace it’s untrue. 2011 has certainly been an interesting year.

there’s no other place to begin, and possibly finish this post too, the subject of streetlighting. Come on, I’ve been away for 90 days, if you expected anything different from this blog, you’ve obviously not been reading for 11 years. For the first time in 1995, Mercuryvapour Towers is once again lit by mercury vapour, and I’m not talking about one of my silly little “OMG! I can see one if I lean out of the bathroom window and twist my nick 180 degrees”. And I’m also not talking about plugging my AC Ford AC850 in and shining it up at the house. No, thanks to a fortunate turn of circumstances, my street once again has a mercury vapour light in it. It’s a historic moment for me. the last time mercury shone these streets, I was 15, and although it seems strange to say, back then, I hated mercury lights.

I’d grown up with them. Every street that wasn’t a main road was lit by them. Very few were lucky enough to have SOX, and that was what I wanted at the time. I’d draw pictures of mercury coulmns being smashed, and a new hockey stick column with a SOX lantern ready to replace it. Mercury was nothing to me. They were as common as dogshit. I never thought I’d see the day when mercury would be a rarity.

Times changed, and so did the lights. I remember, walking home from school and seeing the old GEC Z5590s nearby had been replaced with shiny new Beta 79s. I ran home, excited to see if Mercuryvapour Towers had received the same treatment. No! The replacements stopped half way up. Still, I knew that it would be the end very soon for mercury in this part of the world. I remember the next day, leaving for school. It was still dark, and the lantern was still on. I knew, as the car reversed out of the square, I would never get to see mercury in my street again. Part of me was happy It sort of felt nice to be “upgraded”. Sure enough, I returned home from school, and it was gone.

I can’t be certain of the exact date it happened, but I remember explaining to one of my friends in a text file (think: precursor to email… I’d type something rather like this, save it onto disk, he’d type something in reply, give me back the disk, etc.) how much I wasn’t going to miss MBF lighting, being surprised that I didn’t wake up with a suntan due to the ultraviolet they kick out… see, I was brainy back then… not! Some 17 years pass. We’re back in the present day. I could walk downstairs, look out of the window and see an image I last saw in my childhood… the registered address of mercuryvapour.co.uk bathed in mercury vapour light! Yes, I did see the first official switch-on. I was filming it too, but managed to miss it with the camera.

Right, that’ll do for the lights. Other things have been happening. It’ll be easier to refer to Twitter from now. on…

Pub quiz. Would have done well if it wasn’t for those pesky Brazil nuts! (4 Oct)
I now regularly attend a pub quiz at the Schooner, with various other people from work, whenever we’re free on a Tuesday. Get a three-course meal for less than a fiver, drink bottles of Carlsberg for £1 each, and do utterly bollocks at the pub quiz. This was our first week, and we finished last, all because Gary was adamant that the biggest producer of Brazil nuts beginning with B was Brazil. Wrong. It’s Bolivia.

I’m at The Paramount (Wetherspoon) (33-35 Oxford St., Portland St., Manchester) (5 Nov)
Jamie S wanted to buy some stuff from the official Man City store. He ended up with a car air freshener that didn’t actually smell of anything, and a tax disc holder. I ended up with a bag of CDs. One of the cases didn’t actually have a CD in. Also, a steak was eaten. Rab (who I’ve not mentioned on here before, but is an ex-work colleague (though the way things are going at the moment, EVERYONE will be an ex-work colleague shortly)), decided the smoking ban in pubs wasn’t for him…

We also attended the fireworks display at Stockton…

My photography sucks.

I’m at Westgarth Social Club for Siskiyou (99 Southfield Road, Woodlands Road, Middlesbrough) (11 Nov)

On the night of my previous posting, me, Jamie and Rab attended a gig in Middlesbrough. I’d not heard of the band before, but I did enjoy them, and now have both of their albums. The lead singer, from Canada, liked my description of The Sage as the Shiny Condom.

Eating something else other than fries (@ McDonald’s) (3 Dec)
Get this. for 31 years of my live, I’d never actually been to a McDonalds, and ordered anything other than “fries and a drink”. God’s honest. I was never introduced to them as a child. therefore I have never needed them, nor missed them. On my first full day of being 32 years of age, Me, Jamie S and Rab were in York. After standing up for the entire train journey (from Thornaby to York), we were hungry. Every place we tried was absolutely rammed. A mixture of abject disappointment and near starvation drove us to Maccy D’s. Knowing I wouldn’t survive on fries alone, I got Jamie S to point something out on the menu that wasn’t a burger or covered in sauce. I ended up with some chicken objects, fries and a drink. Getting there, slowly but surely.

Just received spam for a maccy d’s gift card. Think I’ll pass. (5 Dec)
After my above posting, you’d blame me? On my quest to try new stuff, this day was the first time I’d ever had Nandos. Won’t be the last, either.

Unfortunately, for the majority of you readers, “getting back in the habit” referrs to the following ramble about the removal of some of Hartlepool’s oldest streetlights. I know by the time you’ve reached the end of this sentence, most of you will have clicked the back button, or at least started looking at something other than the text that fills your screen, but it’s the sad announcement that the Revo Daleks are now almost extinct in Hartlepool.

The Revo Dalek, is not a pretty lantern. In fact, as a child, I always thought there was something wrong with it. I have distinct memories of travelling down Lancaster Road as a mere infant, looking up at these oddly shaped lanterns, and saying to my late mother that “its chips are hanging out”. Chips, referring to integrated circuits, as I assumed that a streetlight consists of more than a bulb, ballast, ignitor and switch. Clearly, my childhood presumption was wrong, as they survived for around another 25 years.

But seriously, these particular lanterns remained a bit of a mystery. Even as a child, I could tell they were absolutely ancient, and as I learned more about streetlighting, I learned more about them. I’m sure I photographed an example, and posted the images to the StreetlightingUK mailing list, where the lantern was identified.

The Revo Dalek, isn’t its official name. In fact, it got the name “Dalek” because of the dimples on the side of its bowl resembling those of a Dalek from Dr. Who. As I’ve only ever seen one episode of the afore mentioned televisual presentation in its entirety, I’ve never seen the connection. Either way, the official model numbers were C13720 to C13723, though there are no markings on any of the lanterns to tell which model is which. There are at least 3 variations that I know of. Later models adjusted the cast iron moulding to accomodate top-entry variations, and no doubt this could also be used for photocell mounting. These particular examples preceded the recasting, and so don’t have a circular point on top…

Now, there’s a particular reason why I chose that image. You see that post that’s being cut down? Well, I now own that particular lantern, thanks to Andy The Iridium Fan delivering it to Mercuryvapour Towers.

As you can imagine, after roughly 50 years lighting a small patch of Hartlepool, it’s in a sorry state. The bowl is cracked, complete with a bullet-hole, but it’s a complete example. The weather has been disgusting since I received the lantern (and so is the bird shite on top of it), so I’ve not had chance to photograph it properly yet.

One thing I always assumed, due to the lantern’s size, is that it was gear-in-head (as in, the “chips”, as I referred to them as a child) were stored in the lanterns canopy. This wasn’t the case, and is the reason why lanterns of its age still survive. Most, if not all modern lanterns now, include their workings in the lantern, which means if one part fails (other than the bulb), the whole unit is switched out. This is why, these days, you never see a full row of streetlights that look exactly the same. Something fails, they replace the entire thing instead of repairing it.

However, Andrew has promised the electrickery bits to get it working again. Before that, however, it’ll need a hell of a clean. We’ll need some decent weather before that happens.

Thanks to a night out that went wrong (that deserves a whole blog post on its own), I ended up walking down Lancaster Road, and caught the last time these Revo Daleks were lit, as they were disconnected the following morning…

EDITl Balls! I pressed “publish” accidentally. Still, it’s close enough.

Well, it is no more than a number of small, wee hours before I depart this great land and head skywards to the land of many different types of sausage, and “Ich habe eine scheidenenzundung” is a polite way of informing your doctor that you have a vaginal infection.

Interestingly, my little £4.99 phrase book doesn’t have the… um… “penis” equivalent…. The dictionary part goes from penicillin, to penknife Ironically, both of these, could cure an infection in the ol’ trouser equipment department, one in a slightly more brutal fashion than the other. So, just in case, does anyone know the german for “My little man is weeping stinky green tears”?

Actually, no, don’t bother.

Moooooooving on rather quickly, I’ll try to change the subject from my holibobs, despite the fact everything I currently think about returns to thinking about it….. sooo, streetlights, then.

Yes, I did witness the removal of some old streetlights not too far away from where I live…

Forgive my shocking ineptitude when it came to taking this image. I had my phone headset on threaded through my t-shirt, and it was just too short for me to hold it at a comfortable angle. The one to the right, on the other side of the road also got taken down.

Oh, yes, I also promised an update on the shirt. Yes, THE shirt. The night I took that picture, I wore it to the club, in the hope to get a reaction. It didn’t take long…. I think I counted about 14 seconds before some random guy, who I believe was called Brian, said something. He was sat in a chair behind me. I had just approached the bar, after entering the club during a particularly heavy rain shower….

Brian: “Is it raining outside??”
Me: “Yeah, just a bit…”
Brian: “I can see that, your cannabis leaves are growing”.

I’d have been rolling around on the floor if it hadn’t been for the fact I’d thought of exactly the same. In fact, in order to emphasise the fact, I was going to show that picture of the shirt next to a picture of a cannabis farm I’d found on Channel 4′s website. But, then they might have done me for copyright, so I never used it….

There’s method in my madness. This shirt is probably going to be the one I wear on the plane (back to the holidays again, sorry), and as I’ve never been in a plane before, I have no idea if I’m going to be airsick or not. But, if I AM airsick, and I miss the bag, it won’t show up on this shirt!

Anyway, this is more than likely going to be my last posting before the holiday. Play nice, feel free to leave comments, though they won’t be authorised until I get back. I intend to have the first internet-free week of my life since 1998.

EDIT: You know, in the previous post, I whinged about the 30p it cost to send a text message to Jth which he will never receive? The other day, my phone accidentally sent 15 blank MMS messages to Coatesy, again at 30p a pop. That’s going to cost me £4.50 when my bill comes in. You know what’s the killer? He didn’t receive any of them either. Grrrrr.