It’s Eurovision time, 2018 style!!

Oh yes, the time of year I await with baited breath. As with previous years, I’ll be going through and reviewing each entry, so this is a live post. Keep reloading, as I’ll be updating this through out the night, with the latest update first…

And here endeth the Aurovision for another year. A controversial night, and not a great winner. Reminds me too much of that “Bom Bom” song

ITALY: I’d probably like this one, but the suject martial’s put me right off. Thankfully this is the last one, I can go and get something to eat after this!

CYPRUS: This is supposed to be the favourite. Not sure why, it’s nothing special

IRELAND: Usuaully a fan favourite. Never realised they hadn’t been in it for five years though. That streetlight isn’t giving out much light though. The song wasn’t bad.

NETHERLANDS: Never a fan of country, and this one is no exception. Looks like he’s applying to be on the crystal maze.

ISRAEL: I genuintely don’t know what to make of that. She sounds like a dog choking on a chicken bone.

HUNGARY: Ha! this is more like it! The bloke singing it can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but it’s certainly more upbeat than some of the dreck on before it.

SWEDEN: I always like Sweden’s songs… unfortunately, this year isn’t one of their best. Bring back Carola, that’s what I say!

MOLDOVA: I’m not typing anything as I’m actually watching this one. It’s been the most eurovision-ny one so far.

BULGARIA: I take it we’re reaching the dreary stages, or the bit where I get bored… not sure which yet, but this one isn’t very good at all.

FINLAND: Redeeming features: 0. Not a fan of that one at all. Something about monsters being under the bed.

AUSTRALIA: I really fancy a dairy milk after seeing that dress. Very generic song.

DENMARK: I don’t think I can listen to anyone whose eyes are that close together. A bit unfair, however, as the song isn’t TOO bad. In fact, as it’s gone on, it’s grown on me. Not bad at all.

CZECH REPUBLIC: Cack. Absolute cack. Swing/Jazz is sooooo 1994.

FRANCE: It’s not great, is it? It’ll probably win.

ALBANIA: Oooh, this one isn’t bad. I do like the occasional acoustic guitar. He also looks like Photonicinduction. I keep expecting him to smash a lightbulb, then shout “I ain’t ‘avin’ it!” But yes, I do like this one very, very much.

GERMANY: It’s Ed Sheeran on a budget isn’t it? Totally ripping off every Adele Song.

SERBIA: Forgettable entry from a hipster, and someone wrapped in boiler cladding slapping fuck out of some oil drums. Nil points. Still trying to find out what that prick shouted

UNITED KINGDOM: SuRie – Storm. This is the only one I’ve actually heard (unsurprisingly), and I really like it.If politics weren’t involved, we might have had a chance of winning.

And someone ran on stage during our song. Sigh. I’m going to rewind that and see what happened.

Apparently, the intruder grabbed the mic, and shouted something foreign.

PORTUGAL: Oooh, I don’t mind this one. Pretty minimalist with just a piano in the background, but I do like it.

NORWAY: Yeah, this one isn’t great. Probably the catchiest one so far. Same lines over and over again. Nil points

Opera. Maybe this is a good a time as any to open my first can. It’s only uphill from here…. Clever dress though, that apparently cost €65,000. I wonder how many glasses just broke?

AUSTRIA: I think this is probably my favourite song so far. But please, enough of the crowd interaction. CErtainly my favourite so far.

LITHUANIA: Started off ever so slightly out of tune. Unless that’s just my ears. It’d probably be a good song, but she’s got a weird voice. Sounds a bit like her who just died out of The Cranberries. Have they banned snare drums from this years’ competition?

SLOVENIA: I doubt this one will do well at all, it’s pretty generic. I think I’d rather hear Spain’e entry again, and that almost put me in a coma. Some pointless crowd interaction there. You’re supposed to sing the song, petal, not them.

I thought these songs were only supposed to last three minutes? That felt like it went on for a fortnight.

SPAIN: Oh my god, I can’t stand this one already. I can’t understand the lyrics, but it’s setting my fucking diabetes off. NEXT! My predition is that it’ll do well. Really well.

UKRAINE: It’s slightly catchy, in a “Self Control – wo-oo-ooah” style way. The guy looks like if Declan Connelly became a vampire. And oh shit, the stairs are on fire!

I haven’t started drinking yet.

Apparently, in China, you can’t have tattoos on television, so it’s been banned. OH WELL.

Oh joy. There’s a flag ceremony.

My stupid Aintree idea…

It’s that time of year, now that spr…. hang on, haven’t I said that before?

But yes, it IS springtime, and it IS the Aintree festival. The time of year where I take a week off work, and the only time of the year where I line the bookmaker’s pockets.

I’ve just realised that I’ve put a tenner in my bookies’ account, instead of the minimum deposit (a fiver), so I have a little more cash in there than what I was expecting. Now, I could put it all on the big race tomorrow, but where would the fun be in that?

Let’s put a £1 bet on the five live races on Channel 4 today. But, I officially know nothing about racing. There have been times where I’ve won sweepstakes, but that’s luck of the draw.

How else would I pick the horses? Randomly? No, I have a system.

Long-time troll, Chad, used to live on our street, until almost two decades ago when he moved to Japan to take up teaching, drinking foreign beer, eating tomatoes, and presumably a secret career in professional karaoke. For some reason, his old telephone number is embedded in my brain, despite the fact I don’t think I ever rang him. After all, he was only five doors away.

So, I thought I’d use this otherwise-wasted 6 “bytes” of information in my brain, and put a bet on with the first five numbers (they’re only televising 5 of the seven races) of his telephone number. After all of the shite he’s given me over the years, it’s about time he gave something back. Therefore, todays betting slip looks like this…


Well, I’d have only spent that fiver on crap records and beer anyway.

UPDATE: Well, the Topham Chase is next, which is the one over the big fences. So far, I’ve had a faller and 2 2nd places. It’s not looking good.

So, you have an Active Card…

Are you one of the lucky ones that own an Active Card, issued to you by Hartlepool Council? I bet you’ve noticed the T is a dancer. Oh, so minimal and so fresh! How modern!


Stop right there. It’s a breast. A bazonga. Mummy’s airbags. Whatever you want to call them. Think I’m wrong? Let’s photoshop out the fluff.


See it now? No?


You’re welcome.

LED arrives at Mercuryvapour Towers

OH dear. It’s as if the future landed on my doorstep, and I didn’t really want it to. Yes, it’s almost inevitable, that the leafy street that leads up to Mercury vapour Towers, and it’s gravel driveway, will no longer be lit by mercury. The transition to LED from the traditional lantern has been much quicker than I expected, and it’s almost… ALMOST lighting up my doorstep.

Seeing as I’ll probably never publish this post, I might as well describe the actual street that MV Towers resides on. It’s a 1940s/50s cul de sac, which until 2005, was illuminated by one Revo Moseley cast iron column, which was installed when the road was built. In 2005, the council installed a new lighting column at roughly the bottom third of the row, to cast light on the otherwise dark square. Both lanterns were Philips Streetfighter SGS101s, as was the tradition at the time. The council seemed to get batches of different lanterns and use them as general replacements.

In 2012, the streetfighter outside of my house got converted to a mercury. I won’t go into how and why this happened, but it did. Similarly, some time after, the other Streetfighter also received a mercury lamp. Nearby lanterns also received CDM lamps,leaving a white-light trail up the road.

In 2014, Hartlepool council began to replace their entire lantern stock with LED, starting off with the estates. The rules were, any column under 20 years old were to be relamped with LED lanterns, anything older would be replaced

Hundreds, if not thousands of lanterns were removed on the estates, replaced with Urbis Axia lanterns. The older (or concrete) columns stayed in their place, retaining their old lanterns. For now.

As of the time I type this, the replacement of new column lanterns is still taking place, and as far as I know, there’s not been a widespread replacement of columns. I say this, as of December 27th, and my passing of the concrete Mercuries off Oxford Road, they were still there and retaining their GEC Z5590s. I assume, that when they finish the mass replacement of the lanterns, the council will start on the 2nd phase, and begin to replace the elderly columns.

This, if you’ve been paying attention is where it has significance for me, as on 12th January, at about 10:42, the new Philips Streetfighter got removed, and is now replaced with one of the Urbis Axias. As it’s still on an old column, the first Streetfighter remains intact. For now.

For my own records, and seeing as I’ll probably never publish this, the rest of the nearby street (that road beginning with R, just in case I do publish it) was relamped on 19th January. Oddly, this is the first time on this day, that the webcam ever malfunctioned, yet still managed to record an image. 19/1/15 07:25:29 – the image has JPEG corruption on it, but not through the entire picture. The next picture taken was at 7:37:09. I’m not sure if the machine rebooted, but a number of the lanterns in the picture had power cycled and were just coming back on. I was out of the house by this point, and on my way to Employment Palace, so I’d have never seen this, or known what happened. What I do know is that column 6 in R-road, carrying a ZX1 and a CDM lamp had been off most of the night, as the lamp had failed, and would only remain on for a small period of time, had its final restrike. It fired back up, and was switched off shortly after by its sensor. At 06:53, it switched off for its final time. At 10:11, this particular lantern was replaced. The rest of the road’s lanterns were also replaced in this time period. It signified the end.

The end of street lighting as I know it. Or rather, the beginning.

Something I noticed entirely by accident, while looking through the webcam photos is that the lights dim just after midnight and brighten up again at around 5AM, give or take 10 minutes. This intrigues me. I’ve seen videos where these lights dim, but I’ve never seen it for myself. The wqay that is apparently hard coded into the lanterns is that it reduces brightness slowly over a period of about five minutes, which would make sense. I suppose if the light is right outside your window, you don’t want a sudden flash of brightness.

I’ve emailed Andrew to see if he can shed any light (ha ha) on this, but as of yet, he hasn’t responded. I’m interested to learn more.