Unfortunately, for the majority of you readers, “getting back in the habit” referrs to the following ramble about the removal of some of Hartlepool’s oldest streetlights. I know by the time you’ve reached the end of this sentence, most of you will have clicked the back button, or at least started looking at something other than the text that fills your screen, but it’s the sad announcement that the Revo Daleks are now almost extinct in Hartlepool.

The Revo Dalek, is not a pretty lantern. In fact, as a child, I always thought there was something wrong with it. I have distinct memories of travelling down Lancaster Road as a mere infant, looking up at these oddly shaped lanterns, and saying to my late mother that “its chips are hanging out”. Chips, referring to integrated circuits, as I assumed that a streetlight consists of more than a bulb, ballast, ignitor and switch. Clearly, my childhood presumption was wrong, as they survived for around another 25 years.

But seriously, these particular lanterns remained a bit of a mystery. Even as a child, I could tell they were absolutely ancient, and as I learned more about streetlighting, I learned more about them. I’m sure I photographed an example, and posted the images to the StreetlightingUK mailing list, where the lantern was identified.

The Revo Dalek, isn’t its official name. In fact, it got the name “Dalek” because of the dimples on the side of its bowl resembling those of a Dalek from Dr. Who. As I’ve only ever seen one episode of the afore mentioned televisual presentation in its entirety, I’ve never seen the connection. Either way, the official model numbers were C13720 to C13723, though there are no markings on any of the lanterns to tell which model is which. There are at least 3 variations that I know of. Later models adjusted the cast iron moulding to accomodate top-entry variations, and no doubt this could also be used for photocell mounting. These particular examples preceded the recasting, and so don’t have a circular point on top…

Now, there’s a particular reason why I chose that image. You see that post that’s being cut down? Well, I now own that particular lantern, thanks to Andy The Iridium Fan delivering it to Mercuryvapour Towers.

As you can imagine, after roughly 50 years lighting a small patch of Hartlepool, it’s in a sorry state. The bowl is cracked, complete with a bullet-hole, but it’s a complete example. The weather has been disgusting since I received the lantern (and so is the bird shite on top of it), so I’ve not had chance to photograph it properly yet.

One thing I always assumed, due to the lantern’s size, is that it was gear-in-head (as in, the “chips”, as I referred to them as a child) were stored in the lanterns canopy. This wasn’t the case, and is the reason why lanterns of its age still survive. Most, if not all modern lanterns now, include their workings in the lantern, which means if one part fails (other than the bulb), the whole unit is switched out. This is why, these days, you never see a full row of streetlights that look exactly the same. Something fails, they replace the entire thing instead of repairing it.

However, Andrew has promised the electrickery bits to get it working again. Before that, however, it’ll need a hell of a clean. We’ll need some decent weather before that happens.

Thanks to a night out that went wrong (that deserves a whole blog post on its own), I ended up walking down Lancaster Road, and caught the last time these Revo Daleks were lit, as they were disconnected the following morning…

EDITl Balls! I pressed “publish” accidentally. Still, it’s close enough.

Sorry Chad. You’ll have to make sure your “Z” key is switched on for this one, but it’s one of the questions I get asked so very often. What *is* it with me and streetlights? I’ve never been able to firmly put a finger on this one, but whilst typing an email to Wayne about my hatred of blue LEDs (that’s a blog for another day), I made an interesting connection, and to explain this, I’ll quote slightly from the email I wrote.

Anyway, Beastbits2 arrived the other day, and it has a great big blue LED power button which lights up the entire mercuryvapour.co.uk press office. It got me thinking about how much I hated blue LEDs, and it came to me is that one of the reasons is that they were so “fuzzy”, and so, here begind the email quote…

“I’ve never been able to see blue lights properly. If, for example I had to read three neon signs, one in red, one in green and one in blue, I would have to refocus my eyes in order to read the blue one. This, totally unintentionally, has just made me realise one of the reasons why I love mercury vapour lighting so much. New lamps, to me, always had a bluish-violet glow around them, especially against the night sky. This is, as I’ve just worked out, down to one of the few spectral peaks of mercury lamps being in the 400-450nm wavelength area, which appears blurred to me, but the rest of the lamp’s output appearing normal, therefore, new lamps would always have a pleasant, deep blue haze around them…. not so pleasant now that I realise it’s a vision defect!

It would also explain why I’ve never been able to take a satisfactory picture of a mercury vapour light the way I see them, and why I can instantly distinuigh this particular light source from similar technologies such as metal halide.

For the record, I wrote that a couple of days ago and Wayne hasn’t replied to the email. I guess it was THAT boring!

Well, it’s a glorious day outside, and here I am, cooped in the front room, once again typing my thoughts into the less-than-tactile keyboard supplied with my dearest laptop. I don’t have plans for today, and Chris is probably busy, so there’ll probably be another day wasted. Oh well.

As can be guessed by the title, you’ll be unsurprised to find that I will be talking about darts, streetlights and an update on the new Lidl store that opened several months in Hartlepool.

So, why am I starting off this jaunty little entry by talking about darts? Well, the answer is that I have just ordered me a dartboard. My current one was used from 1993 until 2003, when my room got redecorated and redesigned, and unfortunately, there was nowehere in the house that it could practically get put up.

Or so I thought. It occured to me, not so long back, that there was the perfect place for it… the off-shot, with the board being placed on the wash house door.

Some of you will know the off-shot as the “back passage”, but thanks to the wonderful world of double-entendre, this particular phrase can no longer be uttered without the sound of schoolboy sniggering.

Anyway, it’s perfect. I don’t have photos as of yet, but with a bit of love and attention, it will be a perfect darts oche. Even better, it’s near the fridge, has its own toilet (which doesn’t flush) and is “soundproof”. By soundproof, I mean that it’s outside of the house. One problem with having a dartboard in the house before, was that no matter where it was, it was guaranteed to echo throughout the house each time I threw the darts. And seeing I’m awake more times through the night than I am through the day, my playing time would have been restricted.

Seeing as it is external, this obviously isn’t going to be the case, and I will be able to play whenever I want without the fear of waking anyone. The only thing that has slept in the wash house in the past 70 years is hundreds of spiders, probably a mouse or two, and a bird.

An update on the bird, by the way, which I hope you remember from a couple of postings ago. It is sad news, I’m afraid. The nest was indeed abandoned after the run-in with Daddykins, which is enough to scare anyone, never mind a poor innocent bird. So, the last time I ever saw it, was when it flew past me on its way out of the off-shot. Sob.

There has also been an update on the Streetlighting front. Andrew D has given me a mint-condition Revo Prefect!

This is the 2nd mercury lantern, and the first top-entry one in my collection. If you’re wondering what they look like in situ, a side entry can be seen in this photo and a top-entry version very similar to mine here.

Well, for those of you still awake, this is word 499, which will make that previous “which”, word 500. So, onto Lidl.I have been several times now since its opening back in February, and although some parts of it are dubious (in parts, it’s more like a garden centre), I am happy with it.

I’ve been trying their own-brand stuff instead of going for my normal snobbish method of just going for the branded stuff, and some of it is pretty spectacular. Firstly, the pop. It’s lovely. The “cola” is really nice. and something like 44p a bottle. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep the recept, so prices at the time of going to press, are probably wrong. The “farmhouse” bread is nice and…erm, bready, and priced at something like 88p. the biccies are perfectly acceptable, though the appear to have ordered too many “Butter Shortbread Rings”, as they’re available for £1 a box, and stacked on almost every surface, including a huge, random pile near the tills.

The frozen curries (heh, who’d have expected this from me?) are EXACTLY the same as the frozen ones produced for Asda, even down to the cremated pieces of chicken, crunchy black bits in the rice, and the overall imbalance of the rice to sauce ratio. Not that I’m complaining, as they are currently only £1 each. They’re perfect for work, and £1.60 cheaper than the ones I buy from Asda.

My overall favourite thing about Lidls BY FAR, are their crisps. Their “snack” range is by far the best I’ve ever tasted. They consist of “Onion Rings”, “Bacon Rashers”, “Cheesy Wheels (!)” and “Salt and Vinegar Sticks”. 15 packs for something like £1.59. The onion rings are perfect. Not too hard, not too greasy, not too strong, and they have that whole “melty” aspect to them.

OK, they’re the main plus points. Now, onto the downsides.

Firstly, I’m not much of a shopper, so I never get more than a few things at a time, therefore you’d expect a basket instead of a trolley would be ideal. And, I’d agree with you, except the fact that Lidl DO NOT HAVE BASKETS. You have the choice of lugging a great big trolley around, or carrying everything you wish to purchase. It’s also another one of those “£1 deposit” trollies too. The second time I went, I was actually interested in getting quite a few things. I entered the shop, expecting to pick up a basket, only to find there was none. I turned back on myself to head back out of the shop, only to find that it’s a one-way door, and I COULDN’T get a trolley. Joy. This was the same day that I caused the cash machine at the petrol station to reboot, so I was in a pisser of a mood anyway. This just made it worse. Not only that, but one of the things I’d purchased had a 30% off sticker on it, yet they still charged me full price. I was already at home by the time I’d realised.

Secondly, living in the “catchment” area means that every week or so, some guy comes round and sticks a shit-load of leaflets through your door. At 7AM. The dogs hear the letterbox and proceed bark the fucking house down for 10 minutes. Oddly, the dogs seem to think that the letterbox is the entrance to hades, or something, as every time something comes through it, they do their best to destroy whichever evil item passes through its brush-lined entrance.

Another thing that gets me about shops such as Lidl, is their totally made-up “brand names”. I’ll use the examples of the products I thought the other day…

“Freeway” Cola.
“Kights” Onion Rings
“Rowan hill Bakery” Bread
“Kan Pur Garden” Chicken Jalfrezi

These are “brand” names owned by Lidl, so why bother with the different names? Just stick a big yellow “Lidl” logo on everything and have done with it. There’s probably 1,001 reasons why they don’t do that, but at least the orange juice I purchased was generic in every way.

In other news, we’ve just had our “swine flu” leaflet dropped through the door by the friendly postman (and yes, the dogs went nuts AGAIN). I called the swine flu hotline the other day, all I got was crackling…

B’dum Tsssh.

OK, so I once again have struggled to think of a post title worthy of note, but it does show that in the previous post title, I broke the 900 post barrier. I guess this means there’s going to be a big countdown to the 1,000 post mark. I guess this means that I’ll have to start preparing for blog post #1000. Who’d have thought that when I started this heap of bollocks 8 years ago?

Anyway, moving on. In 12 hours time the Lidl in Hartlepool will open its door to paying customers. It’s quite funny, that 2 years ago there was only 1 supermarket around here (Kwik Save / Netto), but since then, there are three within a 1-mile radius. Sainsbury’s will have been open for a whole year very shortly (on Saturday).

Needless to say, I shall be attending. Andrew D said he will be there as well, but it depends whether a 8AM start will be too much for him or not. I’t s not going to be too bad for me as I only live around the corner. Saying that, he has been outside Lidl for the last couple of mornings, as they just happen to be replacing the streetlights at the roundabout just outside Lidl. He managed to acuqire one of the last 1960s lanterns around there, a fine axample of an Eleco HW something-or-other. Annoyingly, I doon’t have my phone on me, so at the time of typing, I can’t tell you the exact model number, but it’s not a Goldenray, as originally thought.

So, today, I went down to the flea market. I thought it was best to make as much of my last day off as possible, before I end up festering at Employment Palace again. Andrew D was also there, as I’d talked to him about the floodlight which was there last week. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn up this week. Luckily, someone who did turn up, was Eric, and his 50p CDs. After stocking up on these, and getting some classics as an “Outkast” CD (OK, I didn’t mean classics), I headed off for a look around.

This weeks’ market was far superior to the drudgery of last weeks collaboration of crap, and I happened to spy on a few boxes of singles. I was in my element, until I asked the price.

“Tell me what you want, and I’ll give you a price”.

Yeah, righto. that’s one way to put a potential buyer off. Technically, I could have dug through the box of records, found one I wanted, and then she could have charged me £18 for it. Or, I could have pulled out about 15 good ones, and she may have only charged me a quid. There was no way for me to know, and therefore I passed on the available Howard Jones singles (which I would have bought if the stupid cow had gave me a straight answer) and moved onto the next stall hosting records.

Now, although I didn’t have time to mention him in the last flea market update, this next guy was at the flea last week too, but his pricing scheme was also a bit daft. £1 each if the record is in a picture sleeve, 50p if it was in a plain sleeve.

Thankfully, he had 7 days to restructure his wacky price plan, and all singles were now 50p. Bimler. He was also selling some CD singles too, for 50p, which I don’t think he had last week. Overall, I spent £4, and he even gave me the opportunity to take a free one. Worra nice guy.

Andrew walked around the town centre with me, in my search for razor blades and tinfoil, the two things stuck in my head which were both desparately needed.

After continuing the shopping spree, I returned to Andrew’s house, carrying my shopping with me. I, for a split second, thought it would have been a good idea to return to Mercuryvapour Towers, and then make the journey back over there. It had been so long sicnce I was last there that I’d forgotten his house is 100 yards from the town centre, while mine is over a mile away. I blame the fact I was still half asleep. Or something.

On the very short walk over there, I realised something. It turned out it was exactly 1 year since I had last visited his collection, and to prove it, here,s quite literally the worst photo of me ever taken, on February 18th 2008….

You know, I have no idea what compelled me to make that photo public. I might as well put myself down as some type of internet “phenomenon” with the catchphrase “Yellow man is yellow.”

Or maybe not. Let’s hope not anyway.

At this point, I am about to shoot off to bed, after getting something to eat. The new Lidl opens in 7 hours, and I want to be one of the first there. Oh, and for those of you wishing to see the postcard Chad sent me in the previous couple of postings, well, it seems that I made a typo without realising. So, to correct that, here it is in all of its glory…

Well, it is no more than a number of small, wee hours before I depart this great land and head skywards to the land of many different types of sausage, and “Ich habe eine scheidenenzundung” is a polite way of informing your doctor that you have a vaginal infection.

Interestingly, my little £4.99 phrase book doesn’t have the… um… “penis” equivalent…. The dictionary part goes from penicillin, to penknife Ironically, both of these, could cure an infection in the ol’ trouser equipment department, one in a slightly more brutal fashion than the other. So, just in case, does anyone know the german for “My little man is weeping stinky green tears”?

Actually, no, don’t bother.

Moooooooving on rather quickly, I’ll try to change the subject from my holibobs, despite the fact everything I currently think about returns to thinking about it….. sooo, streetlights, then.

Yes, I did witness the removal of some old streetlights not too far away from where I live…

Forgive my shocking ineptitude when it came to taking this image. I had my phone headset on threaded through my t-shirt, and it was just too short for me to hold it at a comfortable angle. The one to the right, on the other side of the road also got taken down.

Oh, yes, I also promised an update on the shirt. Yes, THE shirt. The night I took that picture, I wore it to the club, in the hope to get a reaction. It didn’t take long…. I think I counted about 14 seconds before some random guy, who I believe was called Brian, said something. He was sat in a chair behind me. I had just approached the bar, after entering the club during a particularly heavy rain shower….

Brian: “Is it raining outside??”
Me: “Yeah, just a bit…”
Brian: “I can see that, your cannabis leaves are growing”.

I’d have been rolling around on the floor if it hadn’t been for the fact I’d thought of exactly the same. In fact, in order to emphasise the fact, I was going to show that picture of the shirt next to a picture of a cannabis farm I’d found on Channel 4′s website. But, then they might have done me for copyright, so I never used it….

There’s method in my madness. This shirt is probably going to be the one I wear on the plane (back to the holidays again, sorry), and as I’ve never been in a plane before, I have no idea if I’m going to be airsick or not. But, if I AM airsick, and I miss the bag, it won’t show up on this shirt!

Anyway, this is more than likely going to be my last posting before the holiday. Play nice, feel free to leave comments, though they won’t be authorised until I get back. I intend to have the first internet-free week of my life since 1998.

EDIT: You know, in the previous post, I whinged about the 30p it cost to send a text message to Jth which he will never receive? The other day, my phone accidentally sent 15 blank MMS messages to Coatesy, again at 30p a pop. That’s going to cost me £4.50 when my bill comes in. You know what’s the killer? He didn’t receive any of them either. Grrrrr.