The wrst thing is, about leaving this blog for so long is the old “where to start” mentality. I’ve had so many good moments, shocking moments, and moments where I’ve made myself an absolute menace it’s untrue. 2011 has certainly been an interesting year.

there’s no other place to begin, and possibly finish this post too, the subject of streetlighting. Come on, I’ve been away for 90 days, if you expected anything different from this blog, you’ve obviously not been reading for 11 years. For the first time in 1995, Mercuryvapour Towers is once again lit by mercury vapour, and I’m not talking about one of my silly little “OMG! I can see one if I lean out of the bathroom window and twist my nick 180 degrees”. And I’m also not talking about plugging my AC Ford AC850 in and shining it up at the house. No, thanks to a fortunate turn of circumstances, my street once again has a mercury vapour light in it. It’s a historic moment for me. the last time mercury shone these streets, I was 15, and although it seems strange to say, back then, I hated mercury lights.

I’d grown up with them. Every street that wasn’t a main road was lit by them. Very few were lucky enough to have SOX, and that was what I wanted at the time. I’d draw pictures of mercury coulmns being smashed, and a new hockey stick column with a SOX lantern ready to replace it. Mercury was nothing to me. They were as common as dogshit. I never thought I’d see the day when mercury would be a rarity.

Times changed, and so did the lights. I remember, walking home from school and seeing the old GEC Z5590s nearby had been replaced with shiny new Beta 79s. I ran home, excited to see if Mercuryvapour Towers had received the same treatment. No! The replacements stopped half way up. Still, I knew that it would be the end very soon for mercury in this part of the world. I remember the next day, leaving for school. It was still dark, and the lantern was still on. I knew, as the car reversed out of the square, I would never get to see mercury in my street again. Part of me was happy It sort of felt nice to be “upgraded”. Sure enough, I returned home from school, and it was gone.

I can’t be certain of the exact date it happened, but I remember explaining to one of my friends in a text file (think: precursor to email… I’d type something rather like this, save it onto disk, he’d type something in reply, give me back the disk, etc.) how much I wasn’t going to miss MBF lighting, being surprised that I didn’t wake up with a suntan due to the ultraviolet they kick out… see, I was brainy back then… not! Some 17 years pass. We’re back in the present day. I could walk downstairs, look out of the window and see an image I last saw in my childhood… the registered address of mercuryvapour.co.uk bathed in mercury vapour light! Yes, I did see the first official switch-on. I was filming it too, but managed to miss it with the camera.

Right, that’ll do for the lights. Other things have been happening. It’ll be easier to refer to Twitter from now. on…

Pub quiz. Would have done well if it wasn’t for those pesky Brazil nuts! (4 Oct)
I now regularly attend a pub quiz at the Schooner, with various other people from work, whenever we’re free on a Tuesday. Get a three-course meal for less than a fiver, drink bottles of Carlsberg for £1 each, and do utterly bollocks at the pub quiz. This was our first week, and we finished last, all because Gary was adamant that the biggest producer of Brazil nuts beginning with B was Brazil. Wrong. It’s Bolivia.

I’m at The Paramount (Wetherspoon) (33-35 Oxford St., Portland St., Manchester) (5 Nov)
Jamie S wanted to buy some stuff from the official Man City store. He ended up with a car air freshener that didn’t actually smell of anything, and a tax disc holder. I ended up with a bag of CDs. One of the cases didn’t actually have a CD in. Also, a steak was eaten. Rab (who I’ve not mentioned on here before, but is an ex-work colleague (though the way things are going at the moment, EVERYONE will be an ex-work colleague shortly)), decided the smoking ban in pubs wasn’t for him…

We also attended the fireworks display at Stockton…

My photography sucks.

I’m at Westgarth Social Club for Siskiyou (99 Southfield Road, Woodlands Road, Middlesbrough) (11 Nov)

On the night of my previous posting, me, Jamie and Rab attended a gig in Middlesbrough. I’d not heard of the band before, but I did enjoy them, and now have both of their albums. The lead singer, from Canada, liked my description of The Sage as the Shiny Condom.

Eating something else other than fries (@ McDonald’s) (3 Dec)
Get this. for 31 years of my live, I’d never actually been to a McDonalds, and ordered anything other than “fries and a drink”. God’s honest. I was never introduced to them as a child. therefore I have never needed them, nor missed them. On my first full day of being 32 years of age, Me, Jamie S and Rab were in York. After standing up for the entire train journey (from Thornaby to York), we were hungry. Every place we tried was absolutely rammed. A mixture of abject disappointment and near starvation drove us to Maccy D’s. Knowing I wouldn’t survive on fries alone, I got Jamie S to point something out on the menu that wasn’t a burger or covered in sauce. I ended up with some chicken objects, fries and a drink. Getting there, slowly but surely.

Just received spam for a maccy d’s gift card. Think I’ll pass. (5 Dec)
After my above posting, you’d blame me? On my quest to try new stuff, this day was the first time I’d ever had Nandos. Won’t be the last, either.

That was the bar we’d spent most of the nights in. We were to give it a miss on this last night.

One other thing, as I mentioned was the “street art”. One particular one I hadn’t mentioned was on the outside of the Pilgramstrasse underground station, and clearly visible whichever platform you exit from. I think I’m more interested what goes through people’s minds when they design such drawings.

We headed back to the museum quarter, because I was particularly interested on what was happening at that harvest festival we’d found the day before. Turns out, not a lot. I’m not sure if they were still setting up, but there just seemed to be a load of tents. Maybe if the language barrier hadn’t been in the way, we might have got somewhere, and knew enough about what was going on. We didn’t, and left the place pretty quickly, but not before I walked out into the path of a passing cyclist, presumably getting insulted in another language. Whoopsy.

We walked around the shopping area for a bit, which was a complete waste of time. Pretty much everything had five figures before the decimal point, and I was day 2 into my £3 Matalan T-shirt. I didn’t really feel in place.

One thing I wanted to do, was to go up the big tower we’d seen in previous days. I missed the opportunity to go up the one in Berlin. I didn’t want to miss this one.

From our walk in the previous day, I knew it was one or two stops after where we’d got on the underground, so we knew we’d be in the vacinity of it when we got off the underground. It was the “Commercial Quarter” this time. I wonder, just how many quarters there were. This area was very modern. Construction was going all around us, and there were some interesting building designs. Oh, and LED streetlights.

Anyway, we reached a park area, which I now know as “Donaupark”. It was still about half a mile away, though the perspective made it look longer. I must admit, the standard of “mindless graffiti” here was rather more upper class here, than back home in Hartlepool.

A short walk though the park (for me, still with blisters, it was like a short walk with rusty nails in my socks) later, and we arrived at the tower.

I clearly had no problem with the height, but Chris did. He really didn’t want to go up there. There was no point trying to get him to go up if he didn’t want to, so I’d do a reconnaissance mission, go up there, do what I wanted to do and see if it was as high as it made out to be. Chris could then go up with Jonathan if he wanted to.

I paid my money, and headed off to the lift. The lift had a clear ceiling. As it went up, lights illuminated the lift shaft. The fact that it literally took seconds to reach the top caused confusion between me and the poor lady whose job it was to go up and down a shaft for minimal pay (f’nar!). I have the conversation ‘on tape’ as I forgot to stop the camera. I’ve not dared listen to it yet. I remember it in my head as being “awkward”. Tsk. They leave me on my own for five seconds…

The view was just as spectacular as I’ve hoped. Usual rules apply. A picture says a thousand words…

What I didn’t know, is that there was a revolving restaurant above my head, and I only found that out by Jonathan telling me, after his trip up there. Bugger.

We hastened back from whence we came. I’m not sure if that sentence is valid in English, but it meant we returned back to the expensive shopping precinct, as Jonathan had ran out of clean shirts, and sharing a plane ride home could be rather unpleasant for those concerned. To be honest, I know fuck all about fashion, but I know one thing. Certain shops that look expensive ARE expensive. The first shop we went into, I just knew he wasn’t going to get anything out of here. All of the brand names were the same as at home, except that I’d scoff at paying £50 for a certain brand of shirt because of its label. I think I let out an audible cry when I picked up the same shirt, with a €150 price tag. Good lord, I’ll stick with Matalan. At least if I spill curry onto it, there’s not much of a loss.

The second shop we went into was a little more reasonable.One thing that struck me as odd was the fact I nearly stood on a dog. No, really. There were dogs on leads walking around the shop. I kid you not. Jonathan managed to find a shirt for the journey home, while I was quite happy to recycle a previously worn one. You know, sometimes I have to check and make sure I’m not circumcised. (Oooo, there’s a line – Ed)

There were also souvenirs bought. Not from me, you understand. I’ve told everyone I know I’m not bringing them anything back, in the understanding that when they go away, they don’t have to bring me anything back. It’s an understanding that works perfectly, even if it’s a little anti-social. Fair enough, if someone requests a keyring in the shape of the Leaning Tower of Piza, they can get it themselves, I was a few hundred miles away.

Back to the hotel we went, I got a better photo of the >strange orange “street art” thing I posted from earlier in the week, as well as an image of the streetlighting near the hotel. I could describe it in great detail, but I thought I’d save that for the gallery. it’d be interesting to get a picture of the streetlighting working. I’ve never been in a location where domestic fluorescent tubes are used in streetlighting…

We hammered the pool table for what would be the final time. Reluctantly, our goodbyes were said to it, as we headed off for something to eat. I was still in agony, but not due to the blisters. Because I’d spent the last few days walking like someone who’d had nails hammered into the soles of his feet, it meant I’d been using leg muscles I didn’t know existed, so there was no way I was going to travel a great distance. Instead, we returned back to the ’5er Brau’. there seemed to be a lot more people out this evening. this was mainly because they were broadcasting the Austrian version of “Match of The Day” on two big televisions. Still, we trusted the food, and could remember the menu. I went for the schnitzel again. I was going to go for the pork one, but couldn’t remember where it was on the menu, so just pointed at the chicken one, shouting “THAT ONE”…

The food was, again heavenly,, and we headed back to the hotel. It was around 10pm at this point, so it was still early. We attempted to go for a walk, but really only got as far as around the block, as my legs were ready to fall off. We headed back tyo the hotel, and had a couple of beers outside while discussing the journey home. I think we all knew it was going to be a nightmare, but I don’t think anyone knew just how bad…

A few days ago, this indeed happened, but it was over the other side of the town, and I didn’t find out about it until it was much too late. Thankfully, Andy the Iridium Fan caught what just happened to be my favourite image of everything ever…

I do like the Scarface soundtrack, and it’s so long since I’ve played it. On it goes.

In other news, at 16:29 today, the Revo Dalek which had been salvaged from Lancaster Road, received its first power in its new home, with help from a gear tray supplied by Andy The Iridium Fan. This is also the first time in my entire life that I’d lit a SOX (low pressure sodium) lantern. I took a photo at the immediate time of switch-on, but the floor in the living room was a mess so none of you will ever get to see it. To me, however, it was a groundbreaking moment.

The Revo Dalek, is not a pretty lantern. In fact, as a child, I always thought there was something wrong with it. I have distinct memories of travelling down Lancaster Road as a mere infant, looking up at these oddly shaped lanterns, and saying to my late mother that “its chips are hanging out”. Chips, referring to integrated circuits, as I assumed that a streetlight consists of more than a bulb, ballast, ignitor and switch. Clearly, my childhood presumption was wrong, as they survived for around another 25 years.

But seriously, these particular lanterns remained a bit of a mystery. Even as a child, I could tell they were absolutely ancient, and as I learned more about streetlighting, I learned more about them. I’m sure I photographed an example, and posted the images to the StreetlightingUK mailing list, where the lantern was identified.

The Revo Dalek, isn’t its official name. In fact, it got the name “Dalek” because of the dimples on the side of its bowl resembling those of a Dalek from Dr. Who. As I’ve only ever seen one episode of the afore mentioned televisual presentation in its entirety, I’ve never seen the connection. Either way, the official model numbers were C13720 to C13723, though there are no markings on any of the lanterns to tell which model is which. There are at least 3 variations that I know of. Later models adjusted the cast iron moulding to accomodate top-entry variations, and no doubt this could also be used for photocell mounting. These particular examples preceded the recasting, and so don’t have a circular point on top…

Now, there’s a particular reason why I chose that image. You see that post that’s being cut down? Well, I now own that particular lantern, thanks to Andy The Iridium Fan delivering it to Mercuryvapour Towers.

As you can imagine, after roughly 50 years lighting a small patch of Hartlepool, it’s in a sorry state. The bowl is cracked, complete with a bullet-hole, but it’s a complete example. The weather has been disgusting since I received the lantern (and so is the bird shite on top of it), so I’ve not had chance to photograph it properly yet.

One thing I always assumed, due to the lantern’s size, is that it was gear-in-head (as in, the “chips”, as I referred to them as a child) were stored in the lanterns canopy. This wasn’t the case, and is the reason why lanterns of its age still survive. Most, if not all modern lanterns now, include their workings in the lantern, which means if one part fails (other than the bulb), the whole unit is switched out. This is why, these days, you never see a full row of streetlights that look exactly the same. Something fails, they replace the entire thing instead of repairing it.

However, Andrew has promised the electrickery bits to get it working again. Before that, however, it’ll need a hell of a clean. We’ll need some decent weather before that happens.

Thanks to a night out that went wrong (that deserves a whole blog post on its own), I ended up walking down Lancaster Road, and caught the last time these Revo Daleks were lit, as they were disconnected the following morning…

EDITl Balls! I pressed “publish” accidentally. Still, it’s close enough.

Anyway, Beastbits2 arrived the other day, and it has a great big blue LED power button which lights up the entire mercuryvapour.co.uk press office. It got me thinking about how much I hated blue LEDs, and it came to me is that one of the reasons is that they were so “fuzzy”, and so, here begind the email quote…

“I’ve never been able to see blue lights properly. If, for example I had to read three neon signs, one in red, one in green and one in blue, I would have to refocus my eyes in order to read the blue one. This, totally unintentionally, has just made me realise one of the reasons why I love mercury vapour lighting so much. New lamps, to me, always had a bluish-violet glow around them, especially against the night sky. This is, as I’ve just worked out, down to one of the few spectral peaks of mercury lamps being in the 400-450nm wavelength area, which appears blurred to me, but the rest of the lamp’s output appearing normal, therefore, new lamps would always have a pleasant, deep blue haze around them…. not so pleasant now that I realise it’s a vision defect!

It would also explain why I’ve never been able to take a satisfactory picture of a mercury vapour light the way I see them, and why I can instantly distinuigh this particular light source from similar technologies such as metal halide.

For the record, I wrote that a couple of days ago and Wayne hasn’t replied to the email. I guess it was THAT boring!

As can be guessed by the title, you’ll be unsurprised to find that I will be talking about darts, streetlights and an update on the new Lidl store that opened several months in Hartlepool.

So, why am I starting off this jaunty little entry by talking about darts? Well, the answer is that I have just ordered me a dartboard. My current one was used from 1993 until 2003, when my room got redecorated and redesigned, and unfortunately, there was nowehere in the house that it could practically get put up.

Or so I thought. It occured to me, not so long back, that there was the perfect place for it… the off-shot, with the board being placed on the wash house door.

Some of you will know the off-shot as the “back passage”, but thanks to the wonderful world of double-entendre, this particular phrase can no longer be uttered without the sound of schoolboy sniggering.

Anyway, it’s perfect. I don’t have photos as of yet, but with a bit of love and attention, it will be a perfect darts oche. Even better, it’s near the fridge, has its own toilet (which doesn’t flush) and is “soundproof”. By soundproof, I mean that it’s outside of the house. One problem with having a dartboard in the house before, was that no matter where it was, it was guaranteed to echo throughout the house each time I threw the darts. And seeing I’m awake more times through the night than I am through the day, my playing time would have been restricted.

Seeing as it is external, this obviously isn’t going to be the case, and I will be able to play whenever I want without the fear of waking anyone. The only thing that has slept in the wash house in the past 70 years is hundreds of spiders, probably a mouse or two, and a bird.

An update on the bird, by the way, which I hope you remember from a couple of postings ago. It is sad news, I’m afraid. The nest was indeed abandoned after the run-in with Daddykins, which is enough to scare anyone, never mind a poor innocent bird. So, the last time I ever saw it, was when it flew past me on its way out of the off-shot. Sob.

There has also been an update on the Streetlighting front. Andrew D has given me a mint-condition Revo Prefect!

This is the 2nd mercury lantern, and the first top-entry one in my collection. If you’re wondering what they look like in situ, a side entry can be seen in this photo and a top-entry version very similar to mine here.

Well, for those of you still awake, this is word 499, which will make that previous “which”, word 500. So, onto Lidl.I have been several times now since its opening back in February, and although some parts of it are dubious (in parts, it’s more like a garden centre), I am happy with it.

I’ve been trying their own-brand stuff instead of going for my normal snobbish method of just going for the branded stuff, and some of it is pretty spectacular. Firstly, the pop. It’s lovely. The “cola” is really nice. and something like 44p a bottle. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep the recept, so prices at the time of going to press, are probably wrong. The “farmhouse” bread is nice and…erm, bready, and priced at something like 88p. the biccies are perfectly acceptable, though the appear to have ordered too many “Butter Shortbread Rings”, as they’re available for £1 a box, and stacked on almost every surface, including a huge, random pile near the tills.

The frozen curries (heh, who’d have expected this from me?) are EXACTLY the same as the frozen ones produced for Asda, even down to the cremated pieces of chicken, crunchy black bits in the rice, and the overall imbalance of the rice to sauce ratio. Not that I’m complaining, as they are currently only £1 each. They’re perfect for work, and £1.60 cheaper than the ones I buy from Asda.

My overall favourite thing about Lidls BY FAR, are their crisps. Their “snack” range is by far the best I’ve ever tasted. They consist of “Onion Rings”, “Bacon Rashers”, “Cheesy Wheels (!)” and “Salt and Vinegar Sticks”. 15 packs for something like £1.59. The onion rings are perfect. Not too hard, not too greasy, not too strong, and they have that whole “melty” aspect to them.

OK, they’re the main plus points. Now, onto the downsides.

Firstly, I’m not much of a shopper, so I never get more than a few things at a time, therefore you’d expect a basket instead of a trolley would be ideal. And, I’d agree with you, except the fact that Lidl DO NOT HAVE BASKETS. You have the choice of lugging a great big trolley around, or carrying everything you wish to purchase. It’s also another one of those “£1 deposit” trollies too. The second time I went, I was actually interested in getting quite a few things. I entered the shop, expecting to pick up a basket, only to find there was none. I turned back on myself to head back out of the shop, only to find that it’s a one-way door, and I COULDN’T get a trolley. Joy. This was the same day that I caused the cash machine at the petrol station to reboot, so I was in a pisser of a mood anyway. This just made it worse. Not only that, but one of the things I’d purchased had a 30% off sticker on it, yet they still charged me full price. I was already at home by the time I’d realised.

Secondly, living in the “catchment” area means that every week or so, some guy comes round and sticks a shit-load of leaflets through your door. At 7AM. The dogs hear the letterbox and proceed bark the fucking house down for 10 minutes. Oddly, the dogs seem to think that the letterbox is the entrance to hades, or something, as every time something comes through it, they do their best to destroy whichever evil item passes through its brush-lined entrance.

Another thing that gets me about shops such as Lidl, is their totally made-up “brand names”. I’ll use the examples of the products I thought the other day…

“Freeway” Cola.
“Kights” Onion Rings
“Rowan hill Bakery” Bread
“Kan Pur Garden” Chicken Jalfrezi

These are “brand” names owned by Lidl, so why bother with the different names? Just stick a big yellow “Lidl” logo on everything and have done with it. There’s probably 1,001 reasons why they don’t do that, but at least the orange juice I purchased was generic in every way.

In other news, we’ve just had our “swine flu” leaflet dropped through the door by the friendly postman (and yes, the dogs went nuts AGAIN). I called the swine flu hotline the other day, all I got was crackling…

B’dum Tsssh.

Anyway, moving on. In 12 hours time the Lidl in Hartlepool will open its door to paying customers. It’s quite funny, that 2 years ago there was only 1 supermarket around here (Kwik Save / Netto), but since then, there are three within a 1-mile radius. Sainsbury’s will have been open for a whole year very shortly (on Saturday).

Needless to say, I shall be attending. Andrew D said he will be there as well, but it depends whether a 8AM start will be too much for him or not. I’t s not going to be too bad for me as I only live around the corner. Saying that, he has been outside Lidl for the last couple of mornings, as they just happen to be replacing the streetlights at the roundabout just outside Lidl. He managed to acuqire one of the last 1960s lanterns around there, a fine axample of an Eleco HW something-or-other. Annoyingly, I doon’t have my phone on me, so at the time of typing, I can’t tell you the exact model number, but it’s not a Goldenray, as originally thought.

So, today, I went down to the flea market. I thought it was best to make as much of my last day off as possible, before I end up festering at Employment Palace again. Andrew D was also there, as I’d talked to him about the floodlight which was there last week. Unfortunately, it didn’t turn up this week. Luckily, someone who did turn up, was Eric, and his 50p CDs. After stocking up on these, and getting some classics as an “Outkast” CD (OK, I didn’t mean classics), I headed off for a look around.

This weeks’ market was far superior to the drudgery of last weeks collaboration of crap, and I happened to spy on a few boxes of singles. I was in my element, until I asked the price.

“Tell me what you want, and I’ll give you a price”.

Yeah, righto. that’s one way to put a potential buyer off. Technically, I could have dug through the box of records, found one I wanted, and then she could have charged me £18 for it. Or, I could have pulled out about 15 good ones, and she may have only charged me a quid. There was no way for me to know, and therefore I passed on the available Howard Jones singles (which I would have bought if the stupid cow had gave me a straight answer) and moved onto the next stall hosting records.

Now, although I didn’t have time to mention him in the last flea market update, this next guy was at the flea last week too, but his pricing scheme was also a bit daft. £1 each if the record is in a picture sleeve, 50p if it was in a plain sleeve.

Thankfully, he had 7 days to restructure his wacky price plan, and all singles were now 50p. Bimler. He was also selling some CD singles too, for 50p, which I don’t think he had last week. Overall, I spent £4, and he even gave me the opportunity to take a free one. Worra nice guy.

Andrew walked around the town centre with me, in my search for razor blades and tinfoil, the two things stuck in my head which were both desparately needed.

After continuing the shopping spree, I returned to Andrew’s house, carrying my shopping with me. I, for a split second, thought it would have been a good idea to return to Mercuryvapour Towers, and then make the journey back over there. It had been so long sicnce I was last there that I’d forgotten his house is 100 yards from the town centre, while mine is over a mile away. I blame the fact I was still half asleep. Or something.

On the very short walk over there, I realised something. It turned out it was exactly 1 year since I had last visited his collection, and to prove it, here,s quite literally the worst photo of me ever taken, on February 18th 2008….

You know, I have no idea what compelled me to make that photo public. I might as well put myself down as some type of internet “phenomenon” with the catchphrase “Yellow man is yellow.”

Or maybe not. Let’s hope not anyway.

At this point, I am about to shoot off to bed, after getting something to eat. The new Lidl opens in 7 hours, and I want to be one of the first there. Oh, and for those of you wishing to see the postcard Chad sent me in the previous couple of postings, well, it seems that I made a typo without realising. So, to correct that, here it is in all of its glory…

Interestingly, my little £4.99 phrase book doesn’t have the… um… “penis” equivalent…. The dictionary part goes from penicillin, to penknife Ironically, both of these, could cure an infection in the ol’ trouser equipment department, one in a slightly more brutal fashion than the other. So, just in case, does anyone know the german for “My little man is weeping stinky green tears”?

Actually, no, don’t bother.

Moooooooving on rather quickly, I’ll try to change the subject from my holibobs, despite the fact everything I currently think about returns to thinking about it….. sooo, streetlights, then.

Yes, I did witness the removal of some old streetlights not too far away from where I live…

Forgive my shocking ineptitude when it came to taking this image. I had my phone headset on threaded through my t-shirt, and it was just too short for me to hold it at a comfortable angle. The one to the right, on the other side of the road also got taken down.

Oh, yes, I also promised an update on the shirt. Yes, THE shirt. The night I took that picture, I wore it to the club, in the hope to get a reaction. It didn’t take long…. I think I counted about 14 seconds before some random guy, who I believe was called Brian, said something. He was sat in a chair behind me. I had just approached the bar, after entering the club during a particularly heavy rain shower….

Brian: “Is it raining outside??”
Me: “Yeah, just a bit…”
Brian: “I can see that, your cannabis leaves are growing”.

I’d have been rolling around on the floor if it hadn’t been for the fact I’d thought of exactly the same. In fact, in order to emphasise the fact, I was going to show that picture of the shirt next to a picture of a cannabis farm I’d found on Channel 4′s website. But, then they might have done me for copyright, so I never used it….

There’s method in my madness. This shirt is probably going to be the one I wear on the plane (back to the holidays again, sorry), and as I’ve never been in a plane before, I have no idea if I’m going to be airsick or not. But, if I AM airsick, and I miss the bag, it won’t show up on this shirt!

Anyway, this is more than likely going to be my last posting before the holiday. Play nice, feel free to leave comments, though they won’t be authorised until I get back. I intend to have the first internet-free week of my life since 1998.

EDIT: You know, in the previous post, I whinged about the 30p it cost to send a text message to Jth which he will never receive? The other day, my phone accidentally sent 15 blank MMS messages to Coatesy, again at 30p a pop. That’s going to cost me £4.50 when my bill comes in. You know what’s the killer? He didn’t receive any of them either. Grrrrr.

As reported in that post below, the streetlight outside of our house has been replaced. the story is as follows…

APRIL 1ST

It is the middle of the night. I go downstairs to quench my thirst. I noticed it was dark, and I was having trouble finding my way down the stairs. Something was wrong. Normally, the light outside lights the way merrily. I peek out of the window, and notice it was actually off, for the first time since it was installed. Ooooh!

Later that day, I check the webcam archives, and noticed it had been flickering off and on all night, and had went off completely at about 1AM.

APRIL 2ND

It appeared back to normal, it was lit, no flickering. Strange things do happen occasionally. I thought that was just that.

APRIL 11TH

Back to flickering, and it seemed to be switching off earlier each night, sometimes even before midnight.. It did this for the next 10 days. Mary, a few doors down has reported it.

APRIL 15TH

Well, it was the end. I was in bed, strangely enough dreaming about streetlights. The dream was about me finding a flattened lamp post round the corner from The Corner House (a pub in Hartlepool) and proceeding to gut it for parts, i.e. removing the light sensor and the bulb… I remember thinking “ooooh! Metal Halide! I don’t have one of those!”…

Er, anyway, I awoke at about 1PM to the sound of the doorbell. My dad answered… he replied to whoever it was “Oh, move the car? You’re finally going to fix it?”. I flew out of bed, grabbed some clothes and camera, and made my way to the front bedroom window There was the cherrypicker all ready to service it. Oooh.

The workman opened the back of the van to reveal a stunning array of LPS and HPS bulbs, but alas, I couldn’t see any mercury vapour ones there. Sigh.

He then proceeded to raise the cherrypicker to a respectable level… well, somewhere where he can reach the light, naturally, otherwise his journey would have been pointless.

He undone the clip on the side of the light, and proceeded to fit the new bulb. He also fitted a new light sensor in case it was that which was duff.

What he did now made me laugh. There was an old LPS light he’d been to replace earlier. He attempted to place this old light, and a pile of rags over the top of the photo sensor. It worked…..

…. for about 30 seconds, until a gust of wind blew the rags into our garden. Naturally, the light went off at that point. this time, he tried the box the light sensor came in. again, it worked, but went off about 30 seconds later.

And that, as they say, was it, for that light. With a bit of a grimace, the workyguy removed the light sensor for the last time. He knew it was curtains for the Thorn Beta 79.

He went back down on the cherrypicker, I went to put some clothes on. I took the camera outside at this point. I had never been witness to a luminaire swap before – back in 1984, I was too young to remember it, and in 1995, I was at school. I asked him what was up with it… he just said it was “knackered up top”. He probably thought I was a loon, stood there, with no shoes/socks on, with a camera taking pictures of him.

The image below is a slightly contrast-altered image of TEH WRPKMAN disconnecting the wiring to the old lamp.

And then there was something I had never seen before. the inside of the service cover at the base of the lamp. Look at all those cobwebs. Somehow, working with streetlighting doesn’t seem a dream job anymore.

Seconds later, the lamp was disconnected, and I managed to get an ultra-rare shot of the bare wires at the end. Almost guaranteed never to be seen again by me ever. After all, the life of the last light was 7 years. Which means if this lamp goes at the same life span, I’ll be 30. And probably not living here.

Shortly after, it was all over. He fitted the ugly, ugly light, reconnected the power and disappeared off into the distance. This last image is of the very first time it was switched on.

Now my hand is aching. Lots. first major bit of typing since I broke my hand a month ago. Owwie.

]]> http://www.mercuryvapour.co.uk/2003/04/15/200149968/feed/ 7