Well, it looks like I’m being forced into writing part two. I wasn’t actually going to bother, as the last half of the year was equally as bad as the first. Actually, it got a whole lot worse.

So, where did we leave it? Oh, yes, I know. Bits were falling off me, I hated my job, I didn’t bring the camera out much. Pretty much a standard year, then.

JULY

I’d forgotten to mention, that in the previous couple of months, I was off the booze, as some doctor, whose name I can’t remember, told me to keep off it for three months. I can’t remember when I started my stint “on the wagon”, but according to Foursquare, it ended some time at the end of July. I also upgraded my “little camera” to a Panasonic something-or-other. I’d tell you its model number, but I can’t be arsed to go and get it.

The reason for the upgrade was simple – the demolition of Steetley Chimney. A local industrial landmark which had stood since the 1960s.

AUGUST

Well, it was to turn out that the 2nd job I’d had in this year. I don’t think I could have been more devastated at the time, however, in hindsight, it probably wasn’t a bad thing. It ment I had the remainder of the summer to do stuff I wanted to do, which according to my foursqaure record for that month, involved eating McDonalds, going into pubs, and extending my record collection wherever possible. Okay, just a normal month for me, then.

SEPTEMBER

The highlight of the month probably came in the form of gaining the mayorship of the Job Centre. If you don’t use Foursquare, you probably won’t understand that.

No, really, the highlight was probably getting a job back at Employment Palace, after they’d made me redundant in April. Naturally, the job was different, the wages were less, but if it involved staying out of the dole queue, then I’d accept it with open arms, which is exactly what I did.

Other memorable moments included finding the biggest record shop I’d ever seen. Unfortunately, it was quite a distance away, in Huddersfield, therefore it’s very unlikely I’d ever get the chance to revisit it. In fact it was so vast, I didn’t actually spend any time in there, thanks to my brain entering sensory overload, my testicles tingling at the sight of so much music (not really…. okay, maybe a slight twitch), and the fact Jamie S (who I was with at the time) would have lost the will to live within minutes of my sifting through the first crate.

Health-wise, the doctors were still prodding and poking me, withdrawing precious blood at any given opportunity.

OCTOBER

It would appear I was so sick of this year, at this point I actually stopped doing anything. The job meant I had less free time on my hands. I’d pretty much stopped using foursquare, and the only pictures that exist from this month are of a night out. Someone, who attended this night out, thought I “looked special”. I can confirm, however, that both of my braincells are firing, I’m just an ugly cunt. To coin a phrase, “He who laughs last, is worth two in a bush”, as later on in the night, someone projectile vomited across the dancefloor all over her, so she spent the rest of the night reeking of sick.

NOVEMBER

November….. November…. I’m sure I lived through it… I think it involved a month-long boredom spell. I rediscovered the old Masterchef theme on youtube, along with the “extended” Thomas The Tank Engine theme, my neighbour finally removed his Xmas decorations from the front of the house, and I went to see Skyfall. I also discovered Supernoodle Soup, a homemade concoction consisting of Supernoodles and soup, and I gained an awesome bladder infection which caused me to piss blood for a few days. Delightful. I also had a blood pressure monitor strapped to my arm for a day. Not an experience I’d want to go through again.

DECEMBER

Fun and frolics ruled the month, at least for the first part. It was my birthday, then the works’ Xmas do, and a couple of other random nights out strapped in between. Yet another lowlight came on Xmas eve, when I was told I was losing my third job in a year, and I’d start 2013 on the happy little dole scrounging, tax dodging, Jezza Kyle watching, Supernoodle Soup eating, scrapheap. I’ve officially been on it for 8 days, and it’s felt like the longest eight days of my life, despite all I’ve really done is sleep.

Aaaand, that’s where we’re up to. It’s now 2013, the first time we’ve had non-repeating digits in a year since 1987. Who knows that the next 355 days will bring? Could I find true love? Could I at least find meaningless sex? Watch this space, I’ll probably have enough time on my hands to blog about it.

Some of you will be thinking “Oooooh”, and some of you will be thinking “Oh”. But yes, I’ve managed to get the gallery up and running. For once, this will consist of a collection of photos I’ve taken myself, in the shitty-balls year that was 2012. Despite my ranting and raving in an earlier post, there were a couple of chances to take photos in the year, despite the fact I broke the lens on my big Canon camera.

this time, I’ve also made use of one of the many subdomains I have, meaning it’s a lot easier to access than the other one. Therefore, without further adieu, I bring you…. [drum roll]

gallery.mercuryvapour.co.uk

… well, what did you expect? Fireworks?

Despite it being simply a later version of the software I used to use in the previous incarnation, it seems to be a lot smoother, however, don’t worry if it’s a little bit slow the first time you visit a picture – it now generates thumbnails only when they’re needed. A vast improvement on me having to upload a gallery, then sit there clicking the “Generate Thumbnail” button for every 20 photos I uploaded. The server move also appears to have cured a few of the other kinks I was having.

Comments will once again be open, until the spambots get hold of it.

This is entirely a “work in progress” as you can imagine, so expect to see quite a few more photos popping up during the coming days.

It’s hard for me to describe just what an absolute abomination of a year 2012 has been. Anything that could possibly go wrong, has gone wrong. For instance, after staying in the same job for nigh on 11 years, in 2012, I’ve had three, and at the end of 2012, I lost my third. However, two of them at the same place, but we shall touch on these as we go through the year. If you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you’ll pretty much know how this works. If you’re not, then I blabber on about that’s happened in the past 12 months. 6 in this part, 6 in the other part. Along the way, I’ll add photos where relevant…

So, let’s start of with January….

JANUARY 2012

And what a sodding month that was. Most of you know that I was one of the unfortunates who provided outsourced technical support for a rather large computer games company. Well, I found out in January of this particular year, that after over 10 years, they were terminating the contract. It’s fair to say, that when we found out, it was in the top 5 most devastating moments of my life. This was confirmed by the fact that I pretty much disappeared for a couple of weeks. I didn’t tweet for 10 days, eventually breaking my silence with…

No longer giving a fuck (@ The Ward Jackson (Wetherspoon)) http://t.co/yf4ROVMP (2012-01-14 23:24:52)

I wasn’t fooling anyone. I quite clearly did give a fuck. This was the perfect start to a devastatingly bad year.

As for the photos, well ,it wasn’t just me whose future was in doubt, as the local branch of Ugo close its doors…

A good friend worked there, and with sights like that, the only news can only be bad news. Thankfully, she was safe, as Poundstretcher took over the store. My job, however, never looked more doubtful.

FEBRUARY

I’m struggling to find anything that actually went on in February that’s worth discussing. There was a night out on the 2nd. It snowed a bit on the 5th. My life was collapsing around my feet, and I decided to close this blog. I’d thought about doing it for a while, mainly down to the fact that I knew what my posts were like on the dole. Plus, if I was to be looking for a new job, an online presence such as this probably wouldn’t help. I’d also needed to cut corners when it came to money going out, so when Andrew D informed me he was no longer interested in having the gallery on the site, there was a saving right there. There was actually more to the closure going through my head than I made out. I may discuss it one day.

Dick Brown, at some point, gave me a winning lottery ticket. I cashed it in and made £2.60 Woooo.

Although we had been informed that we were definitely losing our jobs, due to a bug in a certain product, we were to have our busiest month in the entire history of my 10 years there. The atmosphere was, as you can imagine, frosty.

In fact, most of us were trying to work out what TUPE meant.

MARCH

All things considered, it wasn’t that much of a bad month. The game bug had fixed itself, to a point, so work went back to normal levels. I went for one of only a handful of walks in the year, to Osmotherly. March was the best month of the year for weather, as odd as that may seem, and was quite surprised I managed to get the most out of the good weather. The rest of the year was to be cloudy, in more than one sense of the word.

The highlight, pretty much of the entire year, came at the very end of March, as I went to see Chris Rea at the Metro Arena. I almost lost it when he began to sing “Stainsby Girls”, which just happens to be one of my favourite songs ever.

I didn’t write that… wish I had.

APRIL

April was to be the beginning of the end, as on April 8th, I was to lose my job. It was the first time I was to be out of a job since I was 21. Needless to say, there was a piss-up to end all piss-ups, and for that very reason, we all wore an iTeddy on our heads…

It’s a long story why we still had it. Probably one which will be never be told in text. There’s a hell of a lot of stuff that I can tell you about the way I was made redundant that will never make this website.

My job disappeared down the drain. That bit was inevitable. We all knew that. A small bit of redundancy would help temporarily, but for how long for?

MAY

Almost the whole of the month was a write-off. I was on the dole, so actually doing a load of stuff wasn’t possible. My boredom turned to addiction, as I’d stockpile CDs wherever possible, as all of the free time meant I could easily rip them and catalogue them, safe in the fact that I really didn’t have anything better to do. It wasn’t until the 22nd of May, that things would change. I’d been to Middlesbrough, with Jamie S, and thanks to a strange argument about who was going to order the food (we take turns, y’see, as petty as that sounds), I end up staring at my phone for a bit.. Suddenly, a text message pops up from a former colleague who had left Employment Palace several months before all of this shit kicked off. There was a job going.

No sooner had I got home, my CV was winging its way over to their HR department, who also featured someone who I used to work with.

A few days later, and the shortest interview I’ve ever had, meant I’d got the job. Good lord. I knew it would only be temporary, but with a chance of it becoming permanent.

JUNE
At some point, I did indeed begin work at “that place”. I don’t remember the exact date. This is because I systematically purged this place from memory, and any historical records I may have happened to keep.

I do, however, remember I didn’t like many of the people there. Some of them I got on with, and would quite happily give the shirt off my back for, but some, I wouldn’t piss on if they were on fire. Unfortunately, one of the people from the latter category happened to be my “boss” Oh dear. There was also the safety equipment…

Things were about to take a horrible turn for the worse. I know I’ve walked about this in previous blogs, but the worst bit was…. the medical.

A load of things came back clear. I can breathe, see things with my good eye, but fuck all with my bad one. Some things didn’t. Apparently, there was glucose in my piss, and my blood pressure was through the roof. Fuck’s sake.

The doctors would be my next call. It’s the first time I’d been to the doctors since my tonsillitis outbusrst in 2007. Three blood samples were talken. THREE. I didn’t know I had that much in me.

I didn’t know where these samples were going, but hours after leaving my plasma in three equal-sized portions, my mobile rang…

“Get yael doon the One-Leefe, pet, a think ya liva’s fucked or soomit.”

I can’t remember if she was Geordie or not, but it came from an 0191 number, so to me, she was. I’m trying to shed light on one of the lowest points in my life. Oddly, at the time of typing, December 2012, I still don’t know whether I am or not. In fact, I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be breathing… Either way, I do know that the tablets (Metformin) were taken off me immediately, I had to fast for a bit, and since then, no doctor has mentioned diabetes to me. therefore, let’s raise a glass to my pancreas… oh, wait….

Part 2… coming right up…

And so, here it is, the last photo I’ll publish of it, before it goes the journey…

Clicky bigger

Good lord, I can’t believe I’ve just typed those words. I’m ashamed at myself, but yes, it really is, only the 2nd post I’ve made since completing my mammoth Vienna review. I’ve been doing what Chad said to all these years, getting myself out there. It’s almost 3AM on Xmas Eve Eve as I type this. I probably should be crawling through the door now, but hell, I’m 32 now, I have to give my partying plimmies a rest some nights.

The wrst thing is, about leaving this blog for so long is the old “where to start” mentality. I’ve had so many good moments, shocking moments, and moments where I’ve made myself an absolute menace it’s untrue. 2011 has certainly been an interesting year.

there’s no other place to begin, and possibly finish this post too, the subject of streetlighting. Come on, I’ve been away for 90 days, if you expected anything different from this blog, you’ve obviously not been reading for 11 years. For the first time in 1995, Mercuryvapour Towers is once again lit by mercury vapour, and I’m not talking about one of my silly little “OMG! I can see one if I lean out of the bathroom window and twist my nick 180 degrees”. And I’m also not talking about plugging my AC Ford AC850 in and shining it up at the house. No, thanks to a fortunate turn of circumstances, my street once again has a mercury vapour light in it. It’s a historic moment for me. the last time mercury shone these streets, I was 15, and although it seems strange to say, back then, I hated mercury lights.

I’d grown up with them. Every street that wasn’t a main road was lit by them. Very few were lucky enough to have SOX, and that was what I wanted at the time. I’d draw pictures of mercury coulmns being smashed, and a new hockey stick column with a SOX lantern ready to replace it. Mercury was nothing to me. They were as common as dogshit. I never thought I’d see the day when mercury would be a rarity.

Times changed, and so did the lights. I remember, walking home from school and seeing the old GEC Z5590s nearby had been replaced with shiny new Beta 79s. I ran home, excited to see if Mercuryvapour Towers had received the same treatment. No! The replacements stopped half way up. Still, I knew that it would be the end very soon for mercury in this part of the world. I remember the next day, leaving for school. It was still dark, and the lantern was still on. I knew, as the car reversed out of the square, I would never get to see mercury in my street again. Part of me was happy It sort of felt nice to be “upgraded”. Sure enough, I returned home from school, and it was gone.

I can’t be certain of the exact date it happened, but I remember explaining to one of my friends in a text file (think: precursor to email… I’d type something rather like this, save it onto disk, he’d type something in reply, give me back the disk, etc.) how much I wasn’t going to miss MBF lighting, being surprised that I didn’t wake up with a suntan due to the ultraviolet they kick out… see, I was brainy back then… not! Some 17 years pass. We’re back in the present day. I could walk downstairs, look out of the window and see an image I last saw in my childhood… the registered address of mercuryvapour.co.uk bathed in mercury vapour light! Yes, I did see the first official switch-on. I was filming it too, but managed to miss it with the camera.

Right, that’ll do for the lights. Other things have been happening. It’ll be easier to refer to Twitter from now. on…

Pub quiz. Would have done well if it wasn’t for those pesky Brazil nuts! (4 Oct)
I now regularly attend a pub quiz at the Schooner, with various other people from work, whenever we’re free on a Tuesday. Get a three-course meal for less than a fiver, drink bottles of Carlsberg for £1 each, and do utterly bollocks at the pub quiz. This was our first week, and we finished last, all because Gary was adamant that the biggest producer of Brazil nuts beginning with B was Brazil. Wrong. It’s Bolivia.

I’m at The Paramount (Wetherspoon) (33-35 Oxford St., Portland St., Manchester) (5 Nov)
Jamie S wanted to buy some stuff from the official Man City store. He ended up with a car air freshener that didn’t actually smell of anything, and a tax disc holder. I ended up with a bag of CDs. One of the cases didn’t actually have a CD in. Also, a steak was eaten. Rab (who I’ve not mentioned on here before, but is an ex-work colleague (though the way things are going at the moment, EVERYONE will be an ex-work colleague shortly)), decided the smoking ban in pubs wasn’t for him…

We also attended the fireworks display at Stockton…

My photography sucks.

I’m at Westgarth Social Club for Siskiyou (99 Southfield Road, Woodlands Road, Middlesbrough) (11 Nov)

On the night of my previous posting, me, Jamie and Rab attended a gig in Middlesbrough. I’d not heard of the band before, but I did enjoy them, and now have both of their albums. The lead singer, from Canada, liked my description of The Sage as the Shiny Condom.

Eating something else other than fries (@ McDonald’s) (3 Dec)
Get this. for 31 years of my live, I’d never actually been to a McDonalds, and ordered anything other than “fries and a drink”. God’s honest. I was never introduced to them as a child. therefore I have never needed them, nor missed them. On my first full day of being 32 years of age, Me, Jamie S and Rab were in York. After standing up for the entire train journey (from Thornaby to York), we were hungry. Every place we tried was absolutely rammed. A mixture of abject disappointment and near starvation drove us to Maccy D’s. Knowing I wouldn’t survive on fries alone, I got Jamie S to point something out on the menu that wasn’t a burger or covered in sauce. I ended up with some chicken objects, fries and a drink. Getting there, slowly but surely.

Just received spam for a maccy d’s gift card. Think I’ll pass. (5 Dec)
After my above posting, you’d blame me? On my quest to try new stuff, this day was the first time I’d ever had Nandos. Won’t be the last, either.