Well, it looks like I’m being forced into writing part two. I wasn’t actually going to bother, as the last half of the year was equally as bad as the first. Actually, it got a whole lot worse.
So, where did we leave it? Oh, yes, I know. Bits were falling off me, I hated my job, I didn’t bring the camera out much. Pretty much a standard year, then.
I’d forgotten to mention, that in the previous couple of months, I was off the booze, as some doctor, whose name I can’t remember, told me to keep off it for three months. I can’t remember when I started my stint “on the wagon”, but according to Foursquare, it ended some time at the end of July. I also upgraded my “little camera” to a Panasonic something-or-other. I’d tell you its model number, but I can’t be arsed to go and get it.
The reason for the upgrade was simple – the demolition of Steetley Chimney. A local industrial landmark which had stood since the 1960s.
Well, it was to turn out that the 2nd job I’d had in this year. I don’t think I could have been more devastated at the time, however, in hindsight, it probably wasn’t a bad thing. It ment I had the remainder of the summer to do stuff I wanted to do, which according to my foursqaure record for that month, involved eating McDonalds, going into pubs, and extending my record collection wherever possible. Okay, just a normal month for me, then.
The highlight of the month probably came in the form of gaining the mayorship of the Job Centre. If you don’t use Foursquare, you probably won’t understand that.
No, really, the highlight was probably getting a job back at Employment Palace, after they’d made me redundant in April. Naturally, the job was different, the wages were less, but if it involved staying out of the dole queue, then I’d accept it with open arms, which is exactly what I did.
Other memorable moments included finding the biggest record shop I’d ever seen. Unfortunately, it was quite a distance away, in Huddersfield, therefore it’s very unlikely I’d ever get the chance to revisit it. In fact it was so vast, I didn’t actually spend any time in there, thanks to my brain entering sensory overload, my testicles tingling at the sight of so much music (not really…. okay, maybe a slight twitch), and the fact Jamie S (who I was with at the time) would have lost the will to live within minutes of my sifting through the first crate.
Health-wise, the doctors were still prodding and poking me, withdrawing precious blood at any given opportunity.
It would appear I was so sick of this year, at this point I actually stopped doing anything. The job meant I had less free time on my hands. I’d pretty much stopped using foursquare, and the only pictures that exist from this month are of a night out. Someone, who attended this night out, thought I “looked special”. I can confirm, however, that both of my braincells are firing, I’m just an ugly cunt. To coin a phrase, “He who laughs last, is worth two in a bush”, as later on in the night, someone projectile vomited across the dancefloor all over her, so she spent the rest of the night reeking of sick.
November….. November…. I’m sure I lived through it… I think it involved a month-long boredom spell. I rediscovered the old Masterchef theme on youtube, along with the “extended” Thomas The Tank Engine theme, my neighbour finally removed his Xmas decorations from the front of the house, and I went to see Skyfall. I also discovered Supernoodle Soup, a homemade concoction consisting of Supernoodles and soup, and I gained an awesome bladder infection which caused me to piss blood for a few days. Delightful. I also had a blood pressure monitor strapped to my arm for a day. Not an experience I’d want to go through again.
Fun and frolics ruled the month, at least for the first part. It was my birthday, then the works’ Xmas do, and a couple of other random nights out strapped in between. Yet another lowlight came on Xmas eve, when I was told I was losing my third job in a year, and I’d start 2013 on the happy little dole scrounging, tax dodging, Jezza Kyle watching, Supernoodle Soup eating, scrapheap. I’ve officially been on it for 8 days, and it’s felt like the longest eight days of my life, despite all I’ve really done is sleep.
Aaaand, that’s where we’re up to. It’s now 2013, the first time we’ve had non-repeating digits in a year since 1987. Who knows that the next 355 days will bring? Could I find true love? Could I at least find meaningless sex? Watch this space, I’ll probably have enough time on my hands to blog about it.