Still on the subject of red, I’d just like to publicly thank my German friend Rosi for bringing me back a little gift from Germany. Back in the late 1990s (I think), Wrigleys brought out some chewing gum to the shores of Blightly, known simply as “Big Red”. Regular viewers to my blog will remember my trip to Berlin in 2007. I rediscovered this particular confectionery on a shelf in a branch of Woolworth in Spandau. Unfortunately, this epic discovery only managed to accumulate 2 lines in the blog. It really should have gained more.

“Big Red” was a cinnamon flavoured gum, and I thought it was truly epic. Clearly, nobody else did, and after being around for only a short preiod of time, the product was withdrawn, and it was forgotten about by everyone in the country, except me.

I had always held fond memories of it. Unfortunately, despite my love for it, I’d totally forgotten to bring any home with me. I returned home with about half a packet, which I made last until one particular post where I quite clearly snapped, or chewed my last piece of it. I can’t remember…

(Excerpt from http://www.mercuryvapour.co.uk/2007/08/01/no-i-havent-stopped/
A quick thing I will mention is that if anyone either goes to Germany, or the US/CANADA, you MUST bring me back at least 5 packs of Big Red chewing gum back. It’s awesome.

I never made the connection between a friend / work “colleague” (I hate that word) going on regular visits to her family in Germany, and my ability to acquire the afore mentioned tasty mastication device until very recently, say the end of last year. Rosi mentioned she was returning home for the holiday season (another phrase I hate! It’s Christmas!). Something clicked in my head. Maybe I was chewing some bland, mint flavoured UK gum. either, I asked her to bring me some “Big Red” back. I think she thought I was mad.

Unfortunately, she didn’t remember my request, but I was still hopeful that in a future trip I could convince her my love for this product was genuine.

Several weeks ago, she mentioned that she was going back to Germany…. every five minutes! This allowed me to build up a catchphrase of “Don’t forget my Big Red!” I was hopeful that she would remember.

Several weeks passed, and I returned to Employment Palace, with my usual look of a half-inflated and slightly manic-depressive beachball, only to have my spirits lifted by the sight of the following on my desk…

There were 2 sealed packets containing 15 sticks, and one that had been broken into, but I could hardly complain. The sealed packets contained 15 sticks, and there were only 4 removed from the open one. I gave a couple of more sticks away to the people who were curious what the fuss was all about (they also agreed that it was awesome), which still left me with about 36 sticks of the stuff.

Considering my wish was for someone to bring me 5 packets back, which I based on a 7 stick pack, 7×5+whatever was left = 35+. I was, and still am delighted. I’ve not seen Rosi to thank her yet, but I sent her a text as soon as I recieved my collection.

Unfortunately, I know that she doesn’t read this site, making the previous 539 words completely pointless,but if you approach me, and my breath smells of curry, rotting teeth and cinnamon, you now know why.

True fact: “Big Red” chewing gum isn’t actually red.

You know, sometimes, I think supermarkets do things just to annoy me. I’ve just came back from Tesco, as I needed a few bits and pieces, along with my latest fave food additive, namely “finger” chillies. they get their name because they’re roughly the length of your index finger. And green, unlike your index finger, hopefully.

They’re bloody hot, but they can really perk up something bland like a tin of supermarket curry, or a packet of rice.

the chillies are the little green bits.Don’t eat the seeds raw. I did. Once. No amount of water could put the fire out.

I was lucky enough to pick up the last packet of these finger chillies. I finish pottering around Tesco, and head to the checkout with everything I’d bought.

I pile them all up when I notice there were chillies rolling along the conveyor belt. Yup, that last pack was the last one for a reason. There was a great big hole in the thing. Before I’d realised, the lady behind the checkout had scanned them. Gah! Now, considering that these were one of the things I’d travelled 3 miles for, I turned down the offer of a refund, and asked if I could have a replacement packet. even though I knowingly picked up the last packet, I’d hoped that there was one I’d missed, or there may have been some “out the back”, or whatever.

While the gopher disappeared to fetch me my replacement, the rest of my groceries were scanned. I paid for them, and the transaction was complete.

The gopher returned empty handed, and it was too late to give me a refund, so was pointed over to the customer services desk, who would be more than happy to hand over 89 shiny new pennies for my faulty product.

Off I toddle, with the gopher who explained the situation to the angry looking woman behind the desk. I handed over the receipt. She scanned over it several times, like a headmistress scrutinising the homework of a slightly dim child. She pointed at the receipt, and looked up at me, as if I’d smeared shit on her sofa…

“There are no finger chillies on here…”

She was right. The lady on the checkout hadn’t actually scanned them at all.

I leave, and load my stuff into the car, only to see this staring up at me…

Seeing as they weren’t scanned in the first place, I’m now technically a thief, meaning that this chilli is ‘hot’ in more than one sense…

UPDATE: After it had stared at me, for approximately six hours, resting on that section of the keyboard, I washed it under the tap and ate it. It must have taken me about half an hour, but I managed it.

Well, I have been summonsed by Glen Adrian of Obscureinternet (change your avatar, ffs!) to write a detailed review of my 30th birthday. I’ll start from the day, because it was a much better and more exciting day, for you see, I went bowling!

The first part of the day was spent watching stuff that had been collected on the Sky+. this involved several episodes of Countdown. Unfortunately, there wasn’t going to be a lot happening in the early part of this particular day, as the car was in the garage after it snapped a spring or something, thanks to the state of one of the local roads.

Onto the night, then. Plans had been made with most of the people from work to attend the bowling alley on Brenda Road. It was the first time I’d been bowling since November 2005

I arrived at approximately 7:30, to find that the place was absolutely packed, but I was the only one there out of the proposed group. Oh, great. Things start going through my mind, like “Am I on my own? Is anyone else turning up?” I decided to wait outside, just in case anyone was going to ring my mobile. It was noisy inside.

Thankfully, the cars did indeed start pulling up, and before long, we had a group of about 16 of us. Unfortunately, Tuesday is apparently semi-pro night, so we had to wait until about 9 before we got a game. The price was £3 for the hour. It closed at 10, so we’d just got in. It was at this point, I began to fling my camera around in the hope to catch some epic shots. Unfortunately, this failed miserably, though I did think Matt got a good strike here:-

Unfortunately after I got home and checked the video, he hit the rail first. So technically, it didn’t count.

I finished last, as you can probably gather, though I did manage a strike. I might have to start going there, if I can find someone to go along with. there’s no point playing on your own.

After the bowling, we made our way to Lloyds, in Church Square. And yes, I really did wear this shirt…

Some random barfly stated that I looked like Timmy Mallet. Out of all the times I’ve worn that shirt, it’s the closest I’ve ever gotten to a compliment. Unfortunatelty, there’s a button fallen off it, so that’ll give me an excuse to never, ever wear it in public again. Awww.

After sharing a jug of some odd drink bought by Matt (possibly to celebrate his non-strike), it was time for everyone to begin departing. Some people had work in the morning, and some people wanted to attend the Indian. Guess which category I fell into.

So, the initial group of 16 had dwindled down to 4, and we headed off to the Dilshad for a load of grub.

As usual, the meal was delicious, and just as we were finishing, the clock struck midnight. Yup, I was now 30 years old. Daddykins sent me a text.

The second person to wish me happy birthday was Wayne, at an impressive 2 minutes past midnight, though obviously I didn’t get it until I got home. His email made me quickly realise how much of my life had disappeared…

“You are now twice as old as you were when we had our first talk on CB”.

He was right. The CB days were now half my life ago!

The 4 of us finished our meals, and headed off home in our respective taxis, and a good night was had by all. Well, certainly by me, at least, and I made my way up the long, winding gravel driveway of Mercuryvapour Towers at 1:13.

And now, onto the day itself. It started off early, around 5AM. This was mainly because I could feel the vindaloo on the move, and it was only a matter of time before it was indaloo (actually, alloverdaloo would be a better description). So, I was wide awake after only 4 hours sleep, and with an arse like the flag of Japan. I logged onto Facebook, and watched the happy birthday messages scroll past. Thanks to all of you who left a message, and for those who tried to talk to me, Facebook Chat is being a tart at the moment, and although I can see who sent me a message, I can’t actually see it. I’ve gone back to an earlier release of Firefox. That might help it.

Anyway, the morning consisted of my usual “Woo! I’m off work!” ritual – lie on the sofa and watch “Homes Under The Hammer”, followed by “to Buy or Not To Buy”, then “Cash In The Attic” (as long as Jenny Sodding Bond isn’t presenting it), followed by “Bargain Hunt”. Andy The Iridium Fan popped round during the preceedings, and dropped off my birthday card. He stayed for a few hours, and was amazed to find that he also liked amplifying the ends of songs just to get every last note out of them. An “interest” of mine which I thought nobody else shared. A bit like streetlights. He also helped me dispose of the large boxes that Beastbits2 had came in.

ATIF stayed for 3 hours, 22 minutes and 45 seconds, and after that I began watching some more stuff that had accumulated on the Sky+. I was absolutely knackered, as I’d only managed a couple of hours sleep, and decided to go to bed “for an hour”. This was at 4PM. Next thing I know, it’s 10PM. I must have been more knackered than I thought. The day was finished off with the obligatory “few cans”, and I headed off to bed some time around 4ish.

So, that was the story of my first full day of being into my 4th decade. Not bad going considering I wasn’t actually going to blog about it. And now, I’m off to take photos of a pothole, or I might wait until the chippy is open, and kill two birds with one stone. Pothole photography and chips. Being 30 is AWESOME.

This time of year seems to come around too quickly. It is mere hours until this blog enters its ninth year, and as you’ve probably realised over these years, it’s also the time of year when I post the least. This is a combination of being insanely busy at Employment Palace, and the fact that nothing ever seems to happen in October. Ever.

But, it’s November now, and exactly a month before the conclusion of the “Before I’m 30″ section of the site. Ugh. Something did happen a couple of weeks ago, which I personally couldn’t believe, and it happened in Asda… I started blogging about it, but didn’t finish it, because I was so filled with rage, that if I’d have gone any further with it, I’d have smashed something…

I’ve truly had it with Asda. Today was the last straw, and I shall never step foot through the doors of their sorry organisation as long as I draw breath.

“Well, I’m not going to serve him either because I know he’s going to give them to you”…

That’s where I stopped typing! Needless to say, I walked out without the beer, and . Quite unbelievably, for anyone who knows me, I have stayed out of Asda since that incident, and now, I can’t see any reason to ever go back.

There WAS one reason. It was the only place I knew which stocked “Tymbark”. Now, I’ll not be surprised if you’ve never heard of it, as it’s Polish. That’s Polish, as in, it originates from Poland, and not the cleaning product. My dietary habits, no matter how bad they are, have yet to see me consuming Mr. Sheen. It is a fantastic blend of cherry and apple juice, which was stocked in Asda’s “Ethnic” aisle.

Whilst in Tesco the other day, I was delighted to find that they also stocked the very same product! Therefore, I officially have no reason to ever stagger through the doors of Asda again!

Right. Erm, that’s the first thing. I’ve actually forgotten the reason why I was going to write this post.

Well, it’s under three months until the fateful day, and with the previous few months being totally shocking, I thought I’d give you an update on how I’m doing with them. OK, that’s a bit of a lie, Chad posted a comment on the previous posting, and although I normally take post post suggestions with a touch of “What do you think I am? A performing seal?”, I realise I’ve not actually updated that part of the site since January. So, in order to kill some time before this morning’s flea market festivities, I thought I’d give both of my readers a quick update on what is happening with it.

So far, being 29 has been positively shit, with major things happening such as my dad’s heart attack (which I shall refer to as “the incident” from now on). Anyway, enough of that, on with the update and you’ll see what I mean. Maybe.

Sooo, in the order they’re posted on the above page…

1. Pass my driving test

I have had this on the back burner for some time now, as there is absolutely no way I could afford to run a car. the price of fuel, tax and insurance keeps going up and up. Not to mention the cost of the lessons. I found out last night just how expensive they’ve become.

However, following the incident, this is something that I am having to seriously consider.

2. Get a new job.

In this economic climate, I’m actually happy I’ve got a job.

3. Cut down on drink

Epic fail.

4. Save money

Thanks to the abandonment of the 2009 holiday, I’ve managed to actually save some money. So, go me.

5. Finish projects I’ve started, but never finished.

As I mentioned on the “Before I’m 30″ page itself, I’m not too sure what I meant by that. I believe I may have been referring to things such as cataloguing records, CDs, and their ultimate conversion to MP3. This is still ongoing. The Paris video is still incomplete, however, thanks to the problems I’ve been having with Beastbits.

6. Throw some shit out.

As of yet, I’ve not been in the situation where I’ve felt like I need a proper clear-out. It’s hard to say what triggers my occasional bouts of life laundry, where a load of personal belongings end up in the wheelie bin, but it just hasn’t happened recently.

Instead of throwing shit out, I’ve actually started to become organised. This can be seen in my record/CD catalogue thing. A few years ago, I would have never dreamt of doing such a thing.

Oh, and I was planning to use the ultimate excuse… “Which recycling box DO you put broken records into?”, as I have a subconscious feeling that the recent (well, several years ago now) switchover to a recycling scheme means that I’m less likely to throw stuff away as I don’t know which bin to put it in without risking a fine.

7. Lose weight / exercise more.

It’s hard to say if I’ve actually lost or gained weight as the batteries in the scales didn’t get put in until August. I’m under 14 stone, however, but I’d like that to go down further. I still walk pretty much everywhere I can.

8. Try new foods.

Thanks to the incident, this is something that does appear to be going quite well, in fact I’d say it’s going the best out of everything so far. Not so much trying new foods, but watching what I consume.

Post-incident worries now see me in Asda, studying the nutrition labels, meaning that my diet contains less shit than it did previously. That can only be good.

9. Find true love

Added as a bit of a joke, obviously. Love life and relationships is something I never post about on here. I made the mistake several years ago, and those who know me in real life know I don’t like to talk about it. Thefore blogging and “other stuff” is completely separate. If it makes me look like a loner, so be it.

10. Bake a loaf of bread

I think this was one of the half-baked (geddit?) ideas I came up with while bored out of my tiny mind at Employment Palace. Trust me, I did consider it shortly after placing the update. Honestly. I even went down the bakery aisle in Asda, a place which was foreign to me and downright scary. I added the price of the flour, yeast, water, baking tin, then thought “Fuck it, I’m off to get a Kingsmill”. Bread is in wide supply, so I have no reason to bake my own. Nine months after adding this to the list, I’ve decided I no longer have the inclination or interest to do this.

So, that’s your update. I’m off to bed.