Xmas – The aftermath

Firstly, let me start off by apologising to the people who I normally speak to on Xmas day. Unfortunately, this year, I’ve been mega-ill with some type of chesty-flu type thing. Gah.

I woke up on Xmas day on,y to find that someone had sneaked into Mercuryvapour Towers during the night, and poured molten lava directly into my trachea, which means when I finally woke up, I had a pair of lungs that were on fire with every breath. Well, that is, if I could get a decent breath in between the coughing.

So, the whole day was spent, moping around the house, feling sorry for myself. There were good parts to it, however. As Daddykins was having dinner somewhere else, he got me a lovely piece of pork, which I demolished. I didn’t watch much telly, just caught up on a few things, and by something like 10PM, I was in bed, after only managing 1 can of lager. I must have been ill.

I fell asleep, knowing that things were only going to get worse. Indeed it did. I remember some pretty crazy dreams ‘n’ shit

I awoke, still coughing like a maniac, but this time part of my inner ear had been removed, as I could barely stand up straight. Everything hurt. I went for a piss. The afore-mentioned lava had now made its way out of my lungs, and was being drained out of my bladder.

Literally, the entire day was spent on the couch, drifting in and out of sleep, with only the coughing keeping me awake. The highlight of the day was the epic tea Daddykins cooked, which included his first liberal use of cayenne pepper. Delicious!

It’s now 3:25AM on the morning after Boxing day. Dare I say I’m feeling a bit better? Every so often though, I know my lungs are going to collapse into spasms, and I’m going to be rolling around the floor, coughing them up…

Merry Xmas!!

So this is Christmas, and what have you done? I’ll tell you exactly what I’ve done. I’ve copied and pasted an introduction to a post I first used back in 2003. And, in fact, those previous two sentences are an exact copy and paste from last years’ blog. Now who said I wasn’t one of the laziest people on the planet?

I’ll tell you what, I’m even lazier than I was last year, as the whole of the above paragraph was copied and pasted from last years’ blog entry, and I’m sure that this trend will continue, expect to see this paragraph in the introduction for the 2011 Xmas blog entry too…

Unforuntely, unlike last years blog entry, I don’t have a draft ready to publish, nor do I have a a long string of drunken text I’d written several months earlier on the subject of Cliff Richard. Instead, you have me, sat at home, after the most pointless shift at work ever, drinking from room-temperature cans of Fosters, waiting for the TV to vacate, so I can put something I want on.

I’d like to wish both of my readers a very merry Xmas, and if I don’t get chance to speak to them personally before the new year, all the best for 2011. In fact, why do we say that? Why do we wish them best wishes for 20xx? Why not wish them all the best for every year of their lives and just get it over with?

It’s also time to break out this classic…

EDIT: Clearing out my comment spam queue (which is still growing in size, annoyingly, but at least the emails have stopped being sent), I found this corker of a joke… “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”.

And on that note, what type of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly-Davidson.

Merry fucking Xmas…