23:15 “We’ve only got one vote in, and it’s fascinating”… my word, I don’t know how Adam Boulton will be able to console himself when the results start flooding in….

23:09 My fortune cookie… “The hardest task in life is not getting ahead of others, but to surpass yourself”… where’s the forune in that?

22:55 BBC’s first use of the swingometer!

22:52 Houghton + Sunderland South votes are in, Labour win, predictably. Sky news’s coverage is about a minute behind the BBC.

22:50 Chinese arrived after 12 minutes after I ordered it. Incredible! Can’t have been busy. That means beer is off the menu for the next few hours. Exit polls are in, giving Conservative the win. The numbers are complete bollocks though.

21:55Chinese ordered, and there’s only 3 minutes to vote.

21:48I think I’ll order a chinese.

21:33 With 28 minutes to go, do you recknon that Sky will have a great big countdown clock projected on the side of HoP or Battersea?

21:28 Well who said that the news wasn’t educational? I’ve just leared that all of the country’s weather forecasts come from Exeter.

21:20 Just saw an advert for “port Isaac’s Fisherman’s Friends”. An album sung by a group of fisherman. Has someone been watching the Simpsons and actually thought it would be a good idea to rip off The Sea Captain’s album? Sky news are still showing empty gyms and tennis courts…

21:07 Jesus. this has been on 7 minutes and I’m already wanting to punch the monitor. Kay whatshername standing on a podium saying “I declare Sky News to be the first HD election broadcast”, or words to that effect. They’re projecting the Sky News HD logo now on the side of the houses of parliament. Whatever next?

21:03 Sky are showing shots of an empty gymnsaium in Witney. I don’t even think high definition can sex that up.

21:00 Well, that was good timing. Sky’s coverage starts off with Big Ben. Already they’re whoring their HD coverage. Whoopee.

20:59 A truly heart-stopping moment, as I lose internet connectivity for 3 minutes. I thought my plans were scuppered. Thankfully, a router reboot fixed it. Sky News doesn’t have any coverage either yet. You know, I’m thinking I started this a bit too early.

20:53 BBC News doesn’t have any election shite on it yet. Instead there’s Charlie Higson talking about a book. Or something.

20:50 Well, I’ve not even mentioned the E word yet, and it’s almost two hours since I started this post. In that time, I’ve had no beer, spending most of the time trying to find a hard drive that went missing months ago.

Oooh, during my typing I’ve had my first comment!

c64glen: I’m here… Don’t think anything well happen until the first results start coming in at 11.

No neither do I, but I’m going to be here just in case! I’m upstars without a telly, so I’ll have to rely on interwebs streaming for news, for now.

19:44 Seeing as there’s nothing happening yet, I’m browsing the web whilst listening to Boney M. Found this…

19:18 Well, the time has arrived, and although I’m 18 minutes late, I’m still determined to sit through as much of this shite as humanly possible. Tonight’s telly shall be a night of unprecedented dullness, dodgy camera work and misinformation as the three major parties battle it out to see who can fuck up the country more than ever before.

Nothing’s on telly about it yet, as the polling stations haven’t closed, but you’d better believe I’ve got some beers in the fridge waiting for it all to kick off.