Well, it’s a glorious day outside, and here I am, cooped in the front room, once again typing my thoughts into the less-than-tactile keyboard supplied with my dearest laptop. I don’t have plans for today, and Chris is probably busy, so there’ll probably be another day wasted. Oh well.

As can be guessed by the title, you’ll be unsurprised to find that I will be talking about darts, streetlights and an update on the new Lidl store that opened several months in Hartlepool.

So, why am I starting off this jaunty little entry by talking about darts? Well, the answer is that I have just ordered me a dartboard. My current one was used from 1993 until 2003, when my room got redecorated and redesigned, and unfortunately, there was nowehere in the house that it could practically get put up.

Or so I thought. It occured to me, not so long back, that there was the perfect place for it… the off-shot, with the board being placed on the wash house door.

Some of you will know the off-shot as the “back passage”, but thanks to the wonderful world of double-entendre, this particular phrase can no longer be uttered without the sound of schoolboy sniggering.

Anyway, it’s perfect. I don’t have photos as of yet, but with a bit of love and attention, it will be a perfect darts oche. Even better, it’s near the fridge, has its own toilet (which doesn’t flush) and is “soundproof”. By soundproof, I mean that it’s outside of the house. One problem with having a dartboard in the house before, was that no matter where it was, it was guaranteed to echo throughout the house each time I threw the darts. And seeing I’m awake more times through the night than I am through the day, my playing time would have been restricted.

Seeing as it is external, this obviously isn’t going to be the case, and I will be able to play whenever I want without the fear of waking anyone. The only thing that has slept in the wash house in the past 70 years is hundreds of spiders, probably a mouse or two, and a bird.

An update on the bird, by the way, which I hope you remember from a couple of postings ago. It is sad news, I’m afraid. The nest was indeed abandoned after the run-in with Daddykins, which is enough to scare anyone, never mind a poor innocent bird. So, the last time I ever saw it, was when it flew past me on its way out of the off-shot. Sob.

There has also been an update on the Streetlighting front. Andrew D has given me a mint-condition Revo Prefect!

This is the 2nd mercury lantern, and the first top-entry one in my collection. If you’re wondering what they look like in situ, a side entry can be seen in this photo and a top-entry version very similar to mine here.

Well, for those of you still awake, this is word 499, which will make that previous “which”, word 500. So, onto Lidl.I have been several times now since its opening back in February, and although some parts of it are dubious (in parts, it’s more like a garden centre), I am happy with it.

I’ve been trying their own-brand stuff instead of going for my normal snobbish method of just going for the branded stuff, and some of it is pretty spectacular. Firstly, the pop. It’s lovely. The “cola” is really nice. and something like 44p a bottle. Unfortunately, I didn’t keep the recept, so prices at the time of going to press, are probably wrong. The “farmhouse” bread is nice and…erm, bready, and priced at something like 88p. the biccies are perfectly acceptable, though the appear to have ordered too many “Butter Shortbread Rings”, as they’re available for £1 a box, and stacked on almost every surface, including a huge, random pile near the tills.

The frozen curries (heh, who’d have expected this from me?) are EXACTLY the same as the frozen ones produced for Asda, even down to the cremated pieces of chicken, crunchy black bits in the rice, and the overall imbalance of the rice to sauce ratio. Not that I’m complaining, as they are currently only £1 each. They’re perfect for work, and £1.60 cheaper than the ones I buy from Asda.

My overall favourite thing about Lidls BY FAR, are their crisps. Their “snack” range is by far the best I’ve ever tasted. They consist of “Onion Rings”, “Bacon Rashers”, “Cheesy Wheels (!)” and “Salt and Vinegar Sticks”. 15 packs for something like £1.59. The onion rings are perfect. Not too hard, not too greasy, not too strong, and they have that whole “melty” aspect to them.

OK, they’re the main plus points. Now, onto the downsides.

Firstly, I’m not much of a shopper, so I never get more than a few things at a time, therefore you’d expect a basket instead of a trolley would be ideal. And, I’d agree with you, except the fact that Lidl DO NOT HAVE BASKETS. You have the choice of lugging a great big trolley around, or carrying everything you wish to purchase. It’s also another one of those “£1 deposit” trollies too. The second time I went, I was actually interested in getting quite a few things. I entered the shop, expecting to pick up a basket, only to find there was none. I turned back on myself to head back out of the shop, only to find that it’s a one-way door, and I COULDN’T get a trolley. Joy. This was the same day that I caused the cash machine at the petrol station to reboot, so I was in a pisser of a mood anyway. This just made it worse. Not only that, but one of the things I’d purchased had a 30% off sticker on it, yet they still charged me full price. I was already at home by the time I’d realised.

Secondly, living in the “catchment” area means that every week or so, some guy comes round and sticks a shit-load of leaflets through your door. At 7AM. The dogs hear the letterbox and proceed bark the fucking house down for 10 minutes. Oddly, the dogs seem to think that the letterbox is the entrance to hades, or something, as every time something comes through it, they do their best to destroy whichever evil item passes through its brush-lined entrance.

Another thing that gets me about shops such as Lidl, is their totally made-up “brand names”. I’ll use the examples of the products I thought the other day…

“Freeway” Cola.
“Kights” Onion Rings
“Rowan hill Bakery” Bread
“Kan Pur Garden” Chicken Jalfrezi

These are “brand” names owned by Lidl, so why bother with the different names? Just stick a big yellow “Lidl” logo on everything and have done with it. There’s probably 1,001 reasons why they don’t do that, but at least the orange juice I purchased was generic in every way.

In other news, we’ve just had our “swine flu” leaflet dropped through the door by the friendly postman (and yes, the dogs went nuts AGAIN). I called the swine flu hotline the other day, all I got was crackling…

B’dum Tsssh.

I wouldn’t normally mention this type of thing ( “lol” ) but it just happened that we were talking about “Cannonball run” at work, on either Sunday, or Monday.

“It is with regret that I announce the passing of” Dom DeLuise.

Lenny Bennett also died very recently without hardly a whimper from the blogging community. I assume the master tapes of “Punchlines” and “Lucky Ladders” hold very little monetary value in 2009, and have since been destroyed or recorded over.

“Cannonball Run” isn’t very funny now, apparently. I’ve yet to watch the DVD I received in a newspaper…

It’s not very often I get stuff to review for the site. It’s even less often that the item in question is confectionery. But, oh boy, have I got a treat for you today. Or rather, should that read, have I got a treat for ME today. I have been kindly given a “Rice Krispie Sqaure”. But not your normal type of square. This is, in fact one of the new “totally chocolatey” variety. I wasn’t even aware of their existence until the other day.

So, in order to convey to you just how chocolatey it is (or, not as the case may be), I shall devour it whilst blogging. First of all, here is the item itself…

Now, in its wrapped state, one thing is immediately apparent. It’s not actually a square. If memory serves me correctly, it’s one of those “marketing gimmick” things, where some guy several years ago, (probably) stood in front of a board of executives, and blathered “Right, get this guys, let’s call them Squares, but actually make them rectangles”…. I have a feeling it may have been one of those “Friday afternoon” ideas.

Now, the RK “Square” was marketed in the US for many decades before it reached good old Blighty. I’m sure it was the mid 90s when they first appeared on the shelves. Originally, they were just marshmallow and rice, however other varieties soon crept onto the market, such as the caramel ones, the chocolate version which I present to you today, and the massively unpopular bacon variety. (You made that last one up, didn’t you? – Ed)

Um… yes.

Now, not being an overly keen fan of marshmallow, I have pretty much avoided RK squares. I do still remember having my very first one. I seem to recall it coincided with purchasing a new item of kitchen apparatus,such as a microwave, or washer. Can’t remember exactly. I wasn’t impressed.

Either way, I do like chocolate, and Rice Krispies. Oddly, I’m not a fan of Coco Pops, however.

I’m expecting this to be a bit like the home-made “Rice Krispie cake”, only ever so slightly more processed. I can just picture a young Jamie, stood at the cooker with my mother, watching some old Easter eggs melt into a brown goo, throwing in some cereal, and then scooping the whole gooey mixture into one of those paper cake… things, and allowing to set in the fridge. To this day, Rice Krispie cakes are probably the only thing I’ve successfully cooked which hasn’t resulted in food poisoning, the smoke alarm being set off, or the dogs receiving a hearty meal of inedible slop.

The list of ingredients (which is longer than your arm) confirms that it’s certainly not your average cake. It appears that there’s only 10% “chocolate chunks”, but something called “chocolate flavour coating” on the outside. Hmmm.

Anyway, I’ve blabbed on for several paragraphs now, and I haven’t even unwrapped it yet. Well, here goes.

Smells nice. Looks nice. There doesn’t appear to be much “chocolate flavour coating”. And now, the bite…

*crunch*

Oh, man, this is nice.

You’ll have to believe me when I say that I typed all of the above two days ago, and am only now just picking up where I left. I’ve had 48 hours to try and put into words just what these are like, and the best I can come up with is a Toffee Crisp on speed. Not very descriptive, I know, but hell, I wouldn’t kick one of these out of bed. Oh, wait, yes I will, it’ll probably leave crumbs.