Hello Mr. Cleaner of Windows,

I hope this blog post finds you in a good mood. Unfortunately, having to write it doesn’t put me in the best of moods. First of all, let me thank you for polishing our house-holes on a fortnightly basis. Your thoughtfulness saves me having to drag the ladders around the front of the house, and for that I am grateful.

Unfortunately, I do have a couple of points I wish to bring up.

Firstly, when the time comes for me to hand over sufficient currency, please do not ring the doorbell if you see me sitting on the sofa. Instead, please feel free to acknowledge my prescence with a small tap on the window. This saves me having to calm down two dogs who think it’s World War III each time they hear “Greensleeves”, or whichever shitty tune our doorbell decides to blurt out.

Secondly, let me introduce you to something.

You’d be right in thinking that this is a satellite dish. Now, although this particular example may be getting on in years, it is still a functional and well-used device. Its sole purpose on this planet is to pick up signals from outer space, which in turn are converted by a magical box underneath the television, in order to provide high quality entertainment into my living room 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you see me sitting on the sofa, I may very well be enjoying some of that top notch entertainment. Please note, it is also capable of showing The Jeremy Kyle Show.

Therefore, may I remind you that your ladder is not a tennis racquet, and this satellite dish is not a soft ball, It is not designed to be twatted. This normally results in loss of signal.

This “blue screen of death”, as these things appear to be called nowadays, signifies that there is no satellite signal being received. This is confirmed with a quick visit outside, to see that the satellite dish is pointing in a completely different direction to what it was moments ago.

So, in order to correct this, I have to enter the back garden, drag the ladders around the front of the house, straighten the dish back up, to within an inch of its original position. You know, considering I went through all that effort, why didn’t I just do the sodding windows myself in the first place?

Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

Yours sincerely,
Angry Jamie.

Technorati Tags: angry jamie, cleaner, dish, knock, satellite, window