“I’m looking forward to The South Bank Show tonight…”

No, really, I am.

I haven’t taken leave of my senses, it’s just because I might be on it. It’s the one about Humphrey Lyttleton, the long-time presenter of “I’m sorry, I Haven’t A Clue”, which you may, or may not remember, I went to see being recorded with Chris back in November.

They had a camera crew there, which considering ISIHAC is a rado show, seemed a bit odd. All became clear when they mentioned they were also making an episode of the South Bank Show at the same time.

The camera panned into the audience a few times, so there’s a slim chance I could be on there. It’ll probably be good anyway.

Oh, and it’s officially spring!! Unfortunately, a previously arranged trip out with Coatesy fell through for some reason (a reason I simply do not know), but considering I had the camera charged up, I took it out anyway, so I’ll put some pics in my flickr shortly.

Technorati Tags: isihac, south bank show

Strangely, the most popular post I ever wrote on here (according to the statistics), is my review of ”The Great Sporting Experience”. At the time I thought everyone hated them, but apparently not. Therefore, I’m going to repeat it with a Cd I’ve just picked up from ebay…

Alledgedly, these tracks are “official”, as in, the original ones used on the particular programmes featured, but I do know some of them are almost impossible to get hold of. So the question is, is this CD the real deal, or have I just spent £3 on yet another “remake” CD?

Well, firstly, the back cover is a little void of information, giving only the show title, and no information about composers or anything. That’s never a good sign. It’s time to break the cellophane and take a peek inside…

Well, firstly, it’s looking promising… all but two tracks state “From the BBC production” or whichever company produced the show, and the composers are also listed. However, the CD doesn’t list the artists anywhere, except for two tracks, so I’ve taken a guess with the performers…

Right, so, let’s get down to it.

(01) Casualty / Ken Freeman (3:00)
Never mind. This does indeed seem to be the Casualty theme. Well, the original and best one. Moody synths. Brings back images of slowly breaking glass, and of course, that terrible Oxide/Neutrino record.

(02) Wycliffe / Nigel Hess (2:52)

I loved this theme when it was on the show. Unfortunately, it’s so long since I heard it properly, I’m not sure if this is the proper version or not. If this is the genuine version, it’s got a guitar solo which was never used on the show. What I do know, however, is that it’s really good. The last 40 seconds are probably what was used on the end credits. Great stuff.

(03) Play Your Cards Right / Alyn Ainsworth (02:25)

This is the mid 90’s theme. Utter cheese, and therefore strangely brilliant. Reminds me of Friday nights at about 7PM. Probably that’s when the show was on.

The first 26 seconds are the opening titles. The next minute is the dodgy piano bit they always played at the end of the show when someone won the car. At 1:45, it repeats the main theme, and at 2:09, it has a shorter version of the theme used for the commercial breaks.

(04) Blind Date / Laurie Holloway (3:12)

Again, it’s the mid 90’s remake, with the dodgy saxophone bits. My initial reaction was “This isn’t the proper theme!”, however, it appears they never actually used the starting bit. The part they used on the show doesn’t begin until 1:45 into the track. I couldn’t stand this show anyway.

(05) Heart of the Matter / Justin Nicholls (3:29)

Ahhh, the first show I’m not familiar with.

(06) GMTV / David Arch (4:35)

Hard to explain, this one, as for the first two minutes, it’s the main GMTV theme, played several times, but with different introductions and endings. After two minutes, there’s a long instrumental bit, and the track finishes again with the main GMTV theme, but without the lead sax. It’s all very strange, and it proves that, just like “Play Your Cards Right”, these TV themes were never meant to be heard in their entirity.

(07) Bottom (BB’s Blues / Last Night) / The Bum Notes (2:21)

It’s the Bottom theme tunes. Both of them. On the show, it was credited to “The Bum Notes”, though there’s no mention of it on this CD. The first 70 seconds are the opening credits, with the bit they always faded. The next 14 seconds is the little bit of music they played between scenes which sounded like a drumkit being assaulted, and the next minute is the famous end credits theme, Incidentally, it’s the first time I’ve heard it properly except for on the programme.

(08) Dial Midnight / Phil Binding + Simon Moore (2:27)

Not familiar with this programme. The BFI list it as “Late-night live ‘phone-in series. GB. LWT Tx 1992/02/14 - 1993/12/17″. Crap theme if I’m honest anyway.

(09) Littlejohn (House of Fun) / Phil Binding + Simon Moore (2:57)

I don’t know if I can sit through the almost three minutes of this theme. It’s an insult to Madness. It’s a remake of their hit “House of Fun”, and it is toe-curling. Agan, the show itself is totally missing from my radar, which is just as well. I gave up with 30 seconds of this theme remaining. Absolutely terrible.

(10) Gladiators / Muff Murfin (3:36)

This will bring back memories for anyone who, like me, went through puberty at the same time this show was on the air. It’s also the first theme on this disc to have “lyrics”, presumably written by Muff Murfin. I just had to get that name in there somewhere, as it’s the best name ever. I’m pretty sure this was released as a single at some point.

(11) You Bet / Jonathan Sorrell (2:56)

This is the entire reason I bought this CD. I absolutely adored this theme. It was used for years, during the Matthew Kelly Era. In fact, I loved all of the music from the show… that is, until Darren Day took over, and they “revamped” the music. Jonathan Sorrell composed all of the music for the show, including the music used during the challenges.

This theme is clearly longer than the version used on the show, and it includes a few bits never aired, but it’s the original. And I can imagine this being played full-blast through headphones next time I’m drunk.

(12) Girl Friday / Simon Brint (2:10)

Wikipedia lists this as “Girl Friday was a 1994 BBC reality television series starring Joanna Lumley in which she spends nine days on the desert island of Tsarabanjina near Madagascar.” Sounds about as dull as this theme.

(13)Johnny and the Dead / Stefan Giradet (2:44)

A Childrens ITV remake of the Terry Pratchett novel. That’s all I know. And I only found that out through Wikipedia again. Another dire theme. Very quiet and uninspiring.

(14) Dangerfield / Nigel Hess (2:59)

Hmmm. We seem to have hit a bit of a dry sport for themes I actually know here. Although I’ve heard of the show, I’ve never watched it. It’s another Nigel Hess composition, just like Wycliffe, listed above. In fact, he features four times on this CD. Actually, that’s not a bad theme.

(15) ITV Sport (You Are the Number One) / Union (3:56)

Absolute quality in every way, shape and form, however, this is the version with lyrics, so technically it’s NOT the theme. The version they used as the ITV Sport theme was known as the “Sax In Sweden Mix”, which basically had saxophones in place of the lyrics. It featured as the B side of this theme, which was also released as a single. The vocals are sung by the late Paul Young, of Mike And The Mechanics.

(16) This is Your Life / Laurie Holloway (2:28)

This doesn’t come anywhere near to being the proper theme. Not even close. If you’re interested in buying the CD for this theme, please don’t. It’s not the version from the programme.

(17) Schofield’s Quest / Toby Jarvis (3:15)

I think they’re stringing the phrase “Best of British Television” out a bit much now. I suppose it passes for a TV theme, but I wouldn’t pay money for it. Oh, wait, I just have. Bugger.

(18) Just William / Nigel Hess (2:08)

Nigel Hess is at it again. This show isn’t my cup of tea, and neither is this horribly twee theme, though I guess it fits in well with the programme. And, it’s finished. Phew.

(19) The Bill (Overkill) (3:06)

As Roy Walker would say… “It’s close, but it’s not the one”. though, I wasn’t expecting it to be. It’s a remake of the late 80’s / 90’s theme. Presumably, they can’t have had the rights to use the original theme, so it was re-recorded for CD’s such as this.

(20) Emmerdale (2:19)

Again, not the proper theme. It’s a re-recording based on the original 1970’s theme. The incorrect note 52 secs in, gives it away. The beginning also sounds incorrect. I was never a great fan of the theme, so I can live without a proper version of it.

(21) Heartbeat / Nick Berry (2:16)

Phew. Back to the genuine themes, though, considering this was released as a single, it’s hardly difficult to get hold of.

(22) The New Avengers

I don’t think this is the proper theme. I’m not a fan of the show, but it sounds too modern. It’s also one of the two tracks with no mention of where it’s from.

(23) Hetty Wainthrop Investigates / Nigel Hess 2:46

Nigel Hess makes his final appearance on this CD. Considering it’s the penultimate track, that’s not surprising. Er. Not a lot I can say about this track. It’s genuine enough from what I can remember.

(24) Theme From Coronation Street 1:49

Oh boy! I’m looking forward to this one! Not because I like the theme, it because I want to hear just how distant it is from the original. This is the other track which doesn’t state where it’s from, and is listed as being performed by the “Powerpack Orchestra”. Right. There’s the formalities out of the way. Now let’s hit “Play”.

Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear.

I don’t think I can finish it. I can taste the music. It tastes of burning. That’s the worst ending to any CD in the whole history of anything ever.

Well, there you have it. 24 mixed tracks. Some excellent, some rather mainstream, some which are truly painful. Definitely worth the £3 I paid.

Technorati Tags: Alyn Ainsworth, british, CD, David Arch, Jonathan Sorrell, Justin Nicholls, ken freeman, Laurie Holloway, Muff Murfin, Music, Nick Berry, nigel hess, Phil Binding + Simon Moore, Simon Brint, television, The Bum Notes, themes, Toby Jarvis

Firstly, may I just say that Tiger Woods 07 for the Xbox is a complete pile of rotting anus. I’m so glad I bought it preowned, as if I’d have wasted any more money on this infected aneurysm of a game, I’d have been upset. I shall have a rant about it later, as I am off to bed.

Oh yes, almost forgot… the vlog… number 5!

Raaaar.

Technorati Tags: game, golf, tiger woods, vlog, xbox, youtube

Sorry for any typos first of all, I’m on the laptop, using the wireless keyboard, and it seems to be misbehaving. Oh well.

Today (or Yesterday as it is now), me, Coatesy and his son Daniel went to Catterick, to the market at the racecourse which they have on a Sunday. Weather reports have warned about wintry showers and snow, but this didn’t worry us. After all, it never snows when the weathermen say it’s going to. And it’s March! It’s never going to snow now!

So, we travel all the way down the A1 (well, not all of the way, but you know what I mean), and head off to Catterick. I look in the distance, and ask… “Umm… is that snow on those hills?” It couldn’t be… were the weather people right?

We arrive at the racecourse in a shorter time than what we could have predicted. 55 minutes from Hartlepool isn’t bad. The traffic, as you could expect for a Sunday morning was non-existant. I look in the distance and spy a cloud. I didn’t use the plural as this was simply one cloud. A huge one, packed with snow. Oh, great. They were right. We decide to brace it. Snow is fun when you’re a kid. Surely, as an adult, it’s still fun. Quick answer, no.

Considering we’d got there early, some of them weren’t even set up properly. We walk halfway up the row of stalls, and decide that the bitter wind and snow is no fun to be out in, and decide to turn back.

The wind was on our backs on the way up, so after we turn around, it was naturally in our faces. What’s even worse is that the previous night I’d been in the bath, and apparently not rinsed my hair correctly, because as soon as the snow touched my hair and melted, it took the remaining shampoo off my hair, and into my eyes. Stiiiing. Not nice.

So, we’re dripping wet at this point. There’s a cafe there, so we go inside to dry off. there’s something about these types of cafe’s I like. Plastic trays, cakes wrapped in cellophane, and decoration from 1970. I get a can of coke (75p! 75P!!!) and some chips. Unfortunately, the prices weren’t based on the 1970’s.

As luck would have it, no sooner had we sat down, the sun came out. Aaaand, as soon as we step foot outside, another huge cloud comes over. It was decided that it was pointless even attempting to look anywhere, and so we head back to the car, hoping that it would blow over after a few minutes…

It didn’t.

After sitting in the car for half an hour, there was a choice to be made. Do we wait to see if it passes over, or do we abandon the day and go somewhere else? Well, considering I’m probably not even half way through typing this, the choice was made… it was off to the METRO CENTRE! Coatesy wanted to have a look in Grainger Games…

Typically, as soon as we set foot (or rather, set wheels) outside of Catterick, it stopped snowing. There was blue sky to be seen for miles around.

Coatesy turned on Radio 1. It was the best bit of radio I’d heard in ages. It started off with “Something Good” by Utah Saints, which is one of my favourite tunes of all time, followed by Parklife, by Blur. After that song finished, Vernon Kay, who happened to be the DJ at the time, read out some texts which had been sent in…

“Can I just say that it is snowing heavily here in Catterick, North Yorkshire…”

What are the chances of that? Someone getting a message read out on a national radio station from the small town we’d left not two minutes before? Well, we laughed.

So, off we went, up the A1 towards the Metro Centre. Pretty uneventful journey up there. I took some pics of the Angel Or The North on the way up there, as it’s not very often I get to see it. We got there just after 12pm. Actually, it was probably more like 11am, but we drove around the messy one way system for about two hours, trying to find a way into one of the multi-storey car parks. We managed it, eventually.

First stop, unsurprisingly, was Music Zone. I was interested to see if it was still open, after all of the crap that’s gone on recently. Thankfully, it was, though I didn’t buy anything. I was tempted my the greatest hits of the Farm, though considering I can only think of two of their songs, both of which I already have anyway, I couldn’t see the point.

After an hour, we went for grup. Coatesy and Daniel settled for pizza, and I went for… wait for it… curry. Yes, in the food place, there was a chinese section which served curry.

Apart from the delicious curry, I only bought one other thing… Tiger Woods ‘07 for the xbox. I’ve not played iot yet, as my xbox is still disconnected, but as soon as I do,I’ll put updates on here.

I’m also halfway through editing a vlog of the full day, I’ll do this later today, as it’s now almost 4:30 in the morning, and I’ve yet to record my part.

Technorati Tags: catterick, coatesy, day out, market, metrocentre, Snow, tiger woods, xbox

Yes, I’m returning back to doing these lovely text blogs once again, seeing that I’m currently off work.

It all started a week ago on Tuesday. My 9 days of booked holidays were approaching the end, I awoke on Tuesday morning, and instantly knew I was coming down with something. My throat was hurting, and my head felt heavy. Presumably it was just a cold. As the day passed, the feeling went away slightly. I even ate one of my dad’s meals. Not that it’s a bad thing you understand. He did a lovely home-made Sheperds Pie. Coatesy also texted me on Tuesday to see if I fancied going to the computer fair that Sunday. I had no plans to be ill for so long, so I instantly said yes. I needed a few bits.

Wednesday - Saturday are days which have just been completely struck off my conscious radar. My voice was crippled, I couldn’t talk. In fact, just like now, I couldn’t even swallow properly. Food was something that I just couldn’t be bothered with. I think I managed some chips and soup throughout that time. I told my dad I thought I had tonsillitis. His response?

“No, you haven’t. If you had tonsillitis, you’d know about it”.

Well, I knew about it. I couldn’t swallow. I was in tears almost every time I had to.

Let’s just skip the next few days, as these have been lost to whichever bacteria-formed tonsil infection I managed to pick up, and fast forward to the pre-arranged trip to Darlington. I decided to go ahead with the trip, despite still feeling like death, because I decided that the only way I was going to beat what I still thought was a cold, was to face it head on, and try to get on with life the best I could. He texted me to say he will be picking me up between 9:30 and 10AM. At exactly 9:30, he rang to say he was waiting outside. The only snag was, that I was still up to my earlobes in red hot water and Radox. Oops.

I got dried and changed, and headed off outside. As stated previously a few months ago, he has indeed passed his driving test, so he drove us there. The journey there was uneventful, every road taken was correct, and seeing as I didn’t have to navigate, we got there without incident.

We paid, and went in. It was exactly the same setup as the ones they used to have at the Riverside, except it was slightly smaller… all of the stalls were under one stand. I bought some blank DVDs, a new DVD-RW drive as my old one had been dying for a while, and a nice ATA-133 cable to go with it.

Maybe it was the small amount of impulse buying I did… maybe it was the bottle of Dr. Pepper I’d bought at the petrol station on the way there. Either way, I don’t know, but I was feeling a lot better. Woohoo!

We left the computer fair relatively early. I’d bought everything I needed, and Coatesy couldn’t find the type of lead he was looking for. We still had plenty of time on our hands, so decided that while we were in the area, we’d call into the Sedgefield Car Boot Sale. That is, assuming there were still some sellers there. This is where it started to go wrong. Horribly wrong. Of course, “it”, in this context refers to my roadsign reading abilities. Now, I know, that to get to Sedgefield from Darlington, you simply travel down the A1M *north*, to the A689 turnoff, and you’re practically there. Piece of piss.

So, we head towards the roundabout and look at the blue exit signs… “YEAH, THAT’S THE ONE…” I say… incorrectly. By the time we had taken the turn-off, it became instantly clear that the signs actually said “The South”. Uhhhh. Easy mistake to make. Ahem. A quick U-turn later, we were on our way to Sedgefield, though we didn’t go down the motorway, we went down the scenic back country lanes, which lead you directly to the racecourse where the car boot sale was taking place. Good stuff.

Some people were packing away, so we got in for half-price. I made a bee-line to the first table I saw with CD’s on it, and I bought “Both Sides” by Phil Collins, and er…. that Eurythmics one I can’t remember the name of, for £1 each. Turns out the Phil Collins one was a fake copy, but a bloody good one. The disk was an actual factory printed disk, not a CD-R. I didn’t even notice until I got home, took the booklet out and noticed it was simply a folded piece of card.

Anway, back to the day. I almost bought a C64 for £15. Actually, I didn’t even come close to even thinking of buying it when I heard that price. Coatesy happily bought some new footwell mats for his car for £4, which he was chuffed with.

So, by this time, almost everyone had packed away, and Coatesy was hungry. Despite the fact I’d not eaten since Tuesday, and was feeling at least partially human, I simply wasn’t hungry at all. Never mind, we went for a drive anyway, and we ended up in Durham. It’s the first time I’d been there properly… I’d travelled through it numerous times, but had never actually been inside it.

We parked up, and something instantly became apparent. It was a lovely place. This is the view from the car park…

A nice historic bridge, and even more historic buildings on the horizon.

We then walked across what I believe is Framwellgate Bridge, where I took this…

Don’t let the milky sunshine and bare trees put you off, this was a lovely day. We walked along the river for a bit, and watched the ducks…

Can you gather at which point of the day I remembered I had a decent camera on my phone?

Shortly after, we went to the pub. I almost gave Coatesy a heart attack by asking for a coke. I’m off the beer, but more on that later. He decided that because I wasn’t having anything to eat, he wasn’t going to have anything either, so we had our drinks and went. This time, after taking a detour to Subway, we walked up towards the cathedral. But, as the passage of time ate away at his car park chip (their car parking system is all very complicated), we headed back. I ended up having a great day, and although I felt fine all day, as soon as I stepped foot through the front door, I felt like cack again. Grrrr.

Monday, I was no better. Again, this was another day which I have no recollection of. Tuesday, I decided that enough was enough, and it was to be my first doctors visit in living memory, except for when I broke my hand, which only required a sicknote.

I get to the surgery, which annoyingly is on The Headland now, which is about 3 miles away. It used to be around the corner. Bloody NHS. I go in, with not a clue what to say or do, and with absolutely no voice left at this point…

Me: “I’d like to see [my doctor], please. ”
Her: “Oh, he’s not available for another few hours.. if I book you in now, you can’t leave the building”

Confused about why this would matter, I tried to explain again, vigorously pointing at my adam’s apple, thinking she’d misheard me. Nope, she hadn’t. Apparently, once you’re booked to see your doctor, you can’t leave the building. Now, I never knew that. Either way, I just said I’d go back later when he’s in. And, I did.

I sat in the waiting “area” for approximately 45 minutes. I can’t imagine anything worse. In front of me was a monitor showing piped TV, which was running almost constant [well known brand of bleach] commercials, only interrupted by some straggly haired guy telling us to wash our hands after going to the toilet, and to spray door handles with [well known brand of bleach... but in a spray!]. I wanted to pull the bloody thing off the wall.

After the wait, he called my name…. incorrectly. Great start.

I sat down in the chair, told him my symptoms, he shone a torch in my mouth, felt my glands (!) and within 6 seconds, he had gave me a prescription and a sicknote. And yes, I was right. Tonsillitis.

So, I’m now on tablets for the first time in my life. And I’m feeling a hell of a lot better. My voice is returning, my appetite is almost back, I’m getting a strange bright pink discharge each time I pee, but, most importantly I’m off the drink!! This could turn into an “interesting” test to see how long I can manage without booze.

Well, you’ve read the posting, now see the video. This is me, a couple of days ago, recorded just after I’d been to the docs.

Sorry, no subtitles for those without sound, but you get the general idea.

Technorati Tags: cameraphone, car boot sale, durham, Illness / Injury, Photos, sedgefield, tonsillitis