This one is a particularly bong-eyed example of the shit decorations we have up every year. I can imagine this falling shortly, and cutting someone’s skull open. But that’s enough of that. I can’t believe it’s that time of the year already.

Fast forward an excruciating coach ride later stuck in the very back seats, we arrive in Leeds the home of such things as… um… Leeds Football Club, and more branches of Greggs than I have ever seen in my entire life. We arrived at 10:30 approximately. And considering we only set off at 9AM, that wasn’t bad going.

The weather in Leeds was, to say the least, changeable. Bright sunshine one minute, pissing down the next. We had two hours to kill, as we weren’t due at the studio until 1PM. So, we walked around, examining the vast amounts of Greggs stores, and every single record shop in the vacinity. I didn’t come away empty handed. No trip would be complete without me buying at least one crap CD, DVD and/or record. I bought the greatest hits of The Hooters for £5, the greatest hits of Ugly Kid Joe for £3.99, and the complete first season of Father Of the Pride for £5. Woooo.

We boarded the coach just as it absolutely hoyed down again. Then it was off to the main event. Countdown itself! A short ride later, we arrived at the entrance to Yorkshire TV, which appears to be a much smaller building from the outside than what I was expecting.

We entered the reception and waited around for a good 20 minutes or so. The only source of entertainment provided was to examine the strange trophies and awards lined up on the wall, and to stare at everyone who walked past to see if they know them… “Eeee, Ethel, isn’t that thingy out of whatsitface…. oh, wait… hang on, he’s wearing a set of keys…”. Eventually, after a delay of “5-7 minutes for rehersals”, we were shown into the studio. Amusingly, you walk right past the dressing rooms and the “contestant Green Room” on your way there. Exactly why they call it a green room is unknown. Especially seeing as it was painted orange inside.

Eventually, after walking about a mile, you get to enter the studio, and walk “behind the scenes” until you go through a gap in the curtain. You then get shown to your respective seats

At that point, everything looks so strange and plain. None of the main studio lights are on - the only lights on at this point are just normal fluorescent fittings. There was piped music playing quietly. I was mildly amused by the inclusion of Baltimora’s “Tarzan Boy” in this collection.

Eventually, everyone got settled down, and the warm-up guy came on. His jokes were like a step back in time. Last time I heard jokes so old, I was watching a Cannon And Ball repeat from 1982. And the warm-up guy, unsurprisingly, wouldn’t stop commenting on the fact that he actually worked with Cannon And Ball. I think his name was Dudley. I can’t remember. After he embarrassed himself enough, he introduced “the stars of the show” themselves, namely Carol and Des. They talked to the audience for a bit. Carol seemed to love doing it, but Des just said a few hellos, then retired to his desk to get wired up for the show. I was surprised at how down-to-earth and strangely normal Carol appeared. She was great. He then intoduced the “Dictionary Corner” guest, who was none other than Tony “Amarillo” Christie. It was his first time on Countdown. And it shows.

Onto the recording. There were a few “preliminaries” to get out of the way. Sound checks and stuff like that. Once they were all over, we were ready to go. There were monitors above the audience as you’d expect. Up popped one of those black background/white text timer clocks you only see on telly when someone presses the wrong button. I’m sure they have a technical name, but I don’t know it. Oh, and for the record, these episodes are going to be aired on 6th, 7th and 8th November.

Up comes the titles. I gaze at the monitor in awe at the fact I’m watching an episode of Countdown which actually hasn’t happened yet. The floor manager prompts us all to clap and cheer as the titles near the end. The show then starts. Des does his bit, intoducing the show, and reading out any amusing letters which were sent in. Carol and Des then began talking about how much they hated Bonfire Night, and how Des’s Yorkshire Terrier slept on his head during the fireworks. But, of course, it’s not actually happened yet! Bonfire night is still a few days away! The magic of telly, eh?

So, the game itself. I’m not going to say too much just in case I spoil it for someone. It amused me how Quickly Carol can swap those letters around. She swaps letters around like someone who’s been doing the job for 24 years. Oh, wait, she has.

Between rounds, you’d think there’d be a pause while they remove the letters from the previous round. There isn’t. Carol and one of the stage hands remove them within seconds. Each rounds’ letters are kept separate should they need to do a reshoot. Something which I will say is that while the show is being recorded, you do hear the clock music (diddle, diddle, diddly do, bnnng) and also the theme music. I know that’s been questioned in the past. Apparently, you can view the episode exactly as it’s being written to tape through the monitors. It’s mostly recorded realtime with few pauses in between, but there were a couple of retakes at the end of each recording. They didn’t actually call them retakes though, they called them “pickups”.

One amusing moment happened during the first numbers round. Carol pressed the button to bring up the target they had to get. “And your target is… absolutely nothing!” It picked out, for whatever reason, “000″. The stage manager came on… “Er, we’ll redo that again, reset please”. Someone with a pair of headphones came out to test the display which appeared to be working fine after that. You’d have thought they’d have shuffled the numbers around, but they didn’t. Carol simply picked different ones. To be honest, it didn’t make much of a difference to the outcome - when the episode is aired, you’ll see why. What I did find amusing is that as soon as the recording is finished, someone literally presents the losing contestant with a carrier bag full of their “momentos” even before they’ve had a chance to get out of their chair.

The clock is also interesting. After it reaches 30 seconds, it stops, and then after a few seconds, the lights go out and it whizzes quickly all the way back up to the top. If you listen really carefully, you can hear the motor whirr when it does this.

After two episodes were recorded, it was interval time. 20 minutes to grab a cup of tea and a biscuit. For fuck’s sake, who did they think we were? A bus load of pensioners? I was straight off to the vending machines. Laughably, there was one of those off-license cash machines next to them. When I saw the prices, it was clear why. 80p for a 500ml bottle of Pepsi, and 50p for a bag of McCoys? My word. I noticed they had one computer with internet access in the canteen. I watched as some random guy checked his unimportant hotmail address. I thought about checking mine, but seeing as I get no important email anyway, it was a bit pointless. One more episode to go, and once again, we were “treated” to Dudley and his jokes older than the hills. Someone asked who the new presenter of Countdown is going to be. Alas, still no certain names, although I’m sure he knew. Des O’Connor was mentioned. The sigh of disappointment from the audience was hilarious. Tom O’Connor was also mentioned, and I hope to god he gets it. He’s been appearing in Dictionary Corner for years, and I hope he gets it. He’s had experience in gameshows. Who can remember “Name That Tune”? Well, OK, not many people. But everyone has heard of Crosswits. It was almost as popular amongst the pensioners’ community as Countdown was/is, and I thought that Tom O’Connor was an excellent presenter of that show.

The last show was completed, and I thought that was it. I had my camera with me, would I get a chance to take photies? I hoped so. Firsly, I grabbed my mobile, as it was the less conspicuous of the cameras I was carrying. Remember, the ticket stated “no photographs”. Either way I took a sneaky picture of the lineup…

I’d say that Des scored 0 points, but that is clearly due to the fact they reset the scoreboards after the recording. They keep them switched on before and after the recording. Presumably, LED displays don’t use enough electricity for them to care about. To the far left is Tony “Amarillo” Christie. The prominent arse is that of “Lisa” the floor manager. Carol Vorderman is to the right of her, but her face is blocked out by someone else’s shoulder. Shortly after, they verbally removed the restriction on taking photographs. Des and Carol also signed autographs. Chris, clearly unimpressed at my autograph hunting, tapped me on the shoulder, and said he’d be waiting by the door. I was not leaving without autographs. And, unsurprisingly, I got them.

How much does that rule? Very, as far as I’m concerned. I had a few words with Carol, though I’m sure it probably only sounded like gibberish. My mind went blank when speaking to Des, so I simply got his autograph, and said “Thanks”. I’d have loved to have gotten my photo taken with them, though seeing as Chris had walked off the only thing I could do was take pictures of them on their own. And I didn’t manage to get a single decent one of Carol… booo.

The big square pieces of paper which are used during the numbers game are kept, and are given away to whoever wants them, after they’ve been autographed. I’d have loved to have gotten one of those, though how the hell I’d have managed to get it home on the coach I don’t know.

I’ve decided I’m going back for definite. It was £16 well spent. Oh, and I’m sure you’ll want to see the photos of the event. They’re located here. Well, that is, if the link works.