Finally, after over 2 years of threatening it, I’ve actually got round to applying for a passport. It wasn’t fun.

Getting the forms was the easiest part…. I walk into the post office…. “Can I have two passport applications, please?” I said two, because I was bound to fuck one up. I was presented with two envelopes, chock full of text and legal mumbo-jumbo. There was also the obligatory “This is what your passport photo should look like” Do’s and dont’s. If only I’d have read them fully.

Either way, Woolworths had undergone a 24-hour change, and despite the fact they had numerous copies of the Pretenders - Singles (as well as other cheapo CD’s, they had all been replaced by cheap box-set collections.

After spending another £5.98 on a CD (well, 4 CD’s) and more than enough on assorted frozen foods, we headed to Asda. They had a photo booth. The price of said “high tech” contraption was £3.50 (referred from now on as “Tree Fiddy”).

So that’s Tree Fiddy for 4 passport sized photos and a larger one. I entered the booth and inserted my Tree Fiddy into the machine. A calming voice talked me through the procedure, but didn’t inform me of the passport rules.

After 90 seconds I was presented with 4 teeny photos, and another larger photo.

I endured the horror of having to look at my photo as we drove home. The journey home was slightly more amusing…. according to one of the posts advertising a new retail park, someone called “Tiff” alledgedly “shits herself”.

So now we know. Unfortuately, seconds after returning home, I dig through my numerous passport forms, and read them. Instantly, I notice that my photos, worth Tree Fiddy, were completely useless. My glasses had covered up my eyes. That wasn’t acceptable. FOR FUCK’S SAKE.

We returned to Asda, I got another, more legible set of photos for Tree Fiddy, and we returned home. So, that was Tree Fiddy times two spent on photos. Seven Pounds, in English money. Seven fucking pounds. Either way, the whole lot is in the post, and is undergoing scrutiny by taxpayers, such as myself. I think. So, for now, the matter is closed until I receive a parcel including a passport, or a letter saying that they don’t think I’m who I say I am….

Moving on swiftly, Coatesy sent me an image with some ghostly goings on while my webcam was pointing out of the window….

Indeed, it is strange. At first I thought it was just the washing. Secondly, I thought it was my dad letting the dogs out. But it doesn’t look like either….

Anyway, onto a comment reply from Ricky, aka Chad, who left a comment on the previous post (which was totally unrelated to it)… for the first time ever, I shall switch to… er, 2nd person mode; the following is directed at Chad, as I’m not sure if the email address he provided is genuine. I replied to it a few days ago, with no response. Git.

What has changed in the street in the last 6/7 years?

Pretty much everything. Eddie Harrison died in 2001, or something like that. Peter, who you will remember had the crap fake double exhaust (another one of the things I still laugh about now was the time you stuck an empty toilet roll tube onto the top of it) now lives there. Both his and his mothers garden were dug up 2 years ago, and now are one long driveway to store their multiple cars. He now has multiple children.

The streetlight was replaced in 2002, and a totally new one was put up in 2004, so there are now 2.

Of course, not that it makes any difference to anything at all, but I just had to make sure I got the streetlight change in there somewhere.

The wheelchair ramp outside of your house has now gone - it was only demolished a couple of months ago.

“Briggsy” died about 2 years ago too. I remember the time I kicked him in the kneecap as hard as I could because he got water on my shirt, and my nanna was watching.

Mrs Ringwood died about 18 months ago.

Reading your comments jogged my memory of some things………

Soccer Boss,

Amusingly, and coincidentally, I happened to be playing this a couple of days ago. I still go back to it every now and then, thanks to the amazing wonderment of ZX Spectrum Emulation. For the first time, just the other day, I managed to win the FA Cup in it. And you know what you get for that? Sod all. That’s what.

We used to spend absolute hours playing that, despite it being blaringly simple. Why was it though, that “JAMIE” was the player who always accidentally got transferred, top goalscorer or not??

the day that Alsation jumped against the fence while you were sniffing the fence, resulting in aforementioned fence hitting you in the face,(not fun for you, but how many times am I ever going to see such a bizarre event,I guess 15 years have passed and nothing remotely similar as happened)

I wasn’t sniffing the fence, I think I was trying to peer over it to see if they’d finished building their pond. Or seeing if a tennis ball was still in their pond. Or something. I seem to remember it was pond related, and nothing to do with boundary inhalation.

playing hide and seek, or cricket constantly,

Yes, that was good fun. The “stumps” which were a pile of bricks sprayed around with silver paint, are still visible, but the people who live there now have stuff in the way.

Don’t forget “grasscutters” and my ability to get out first ball almost every time.

The pantry window, which I remember you breaking, has now been bricked up.

As for Hide ‘n’ Seek, many fond memories. Far too many back gardens to hide in. There was the old “Block” rule, which meant you could run to the “base” to “block” yourself. There was the time you stopped me from blocking myself by stopping me running through Barry’s alley. The scream I let out was so loud, 4 people came out of their house because they thought I’d hurt myself.

Don’t forget “Leo”, which was a cross between tiggy and hide ‘n’ seek, which took up pretty much the whole estate. Seeing I wasn’t allowed out of the square, I never got to play it much. The first time I was allowed past the front gate was the time we played Marbles on your grate.

chess club,

Chess Club was one of those great Saturday Morning social events which will always go down in memory as being pretty enjoyable, despite the fact at the time I was especially crap at Chess. I especially liked the little cartons of Five Alive juice you got, and some mysterious brand of crisps which I can’t for the life of me remember.

your house’s never ending supply of pop and sweets,

Ah yes. These were kindly provided by the green “Everest” van which used to visit the square every Saturday afternoon. I loved their Raspberryade, limeade and pineappleade. There was another pop delivery service which I think only Mary out of number 8 used to get. I think it was Alpine?

“Willy” breeding pigeons (one of the weirder things for certain,)

Yeah, that seemed to come from nowhere. It mainly started the instant he started seniors. You may, or may not recall that the day me and “Willy” started at Henry’s was 3rd September 1991, Scott’s 13th Birthday.

After School, Scott gave me a battered old golf ball he used to practise with. I still have it somewhere. I remember running up and down the square bouncing it.

On that very evening, we were to attend the very first footy match I’d been to in my entire life. In order to allow me to go, you (or someone) had to go and convince my mother that Darren’s dad was going. He did, but he wasn’t going to walk us back. But, of course, my mother never knew that. And she never found out.

On the way there, you went into the bakers, and bought a toilet roll to throw onto the pitch if and when we scored. As we entered the ground, The Shadows were playing over the PA system. Something else to note is that this was the first match after Cyril Knowles died of a brain tumour, and so there was a minute’s silence.

Either way, we did score, and we beat Brentford 1-0. As the goal went in, there was a surge forward, and I remember getting crushed and found it difficult to breathe for a bit. At the end of the match, I jumped over the wall, and got my foot caught in the goal netting. It was the diamond shaped netting too, which you don’t see anymore. How strange that I remember all this.

So, that was September 3rd, 1991. Of course, I’m sure you’re shouting at your monitor, “But Jamie, what about September 3rd 2004? Surely you remember that!” Indeed I do, for it was the say that Saif Saaeed Shaheen of Qatar (formerly Stephen Cherono of Kenya) broke the world record for the 3000 metres steeplechase, at the Memorial Van Damme meeting in Brussels, with a time of 7:53.63.

Of course, mentioning that also opens up the floodgates for hundreds more embarrasing stories, but I’ll save those for another day.

There was, of course the “olympics”, where the prizes ranged from Gold, Silver, Bronze, to a Jim’ll Fix It Badge. The Olympics seemed to run every week, and included challenges such as running up and down the square many times, with me inevitably finishing last. Occasionally, we would use the front garden as a hurdles race, as the hedges in our front garden were almost short enough to jump over.

Eventually, the hedges ended up totally destroyed, with at least two huge holes through them.

the day you were sniffing grass, only to be told that it had weedkiller on it and the look of sheer terror on your face when informed,

I think I was sniffing the clovers growing in Liz’s garden, as clovers have a nice, summery smell. Well, to me, anyway. I also remember my utter trauma, and the fact I thought I was about to die, instantly, on the spot.

And the fact that you remember this makes me die a little inside……

And then we all grew up, feel free to share my embarassing moments, would be nice to be reminded.

I used to pester you to copy games onto my Yashima cassettes that smelt of cheese, but you wouldn’t because you said they were too cheap.

You also defaced my copy of “Now 20″ by recording about 30 seconds of “Grease” over the first track (”Dizzy”, by Vic Reeves). You said it was an accident. It clearly wasn’t. But I had that (and still have) on single anyway, so I didn’t mind! Despite the fact this was the last album I recieved before my mother died.

Your music taste at the time is something I still follow to this day. No, seriously. You had Tubular Bells II on tape until your aincient tape deck ate it. I’m listening to it now. It’s by far one of my favourite albums.

I was there when your “Grease” tape also got eaten. I couldn’t help but feel that justice was done considering you defaced my Now 20 album….!

And what was with that huge blue/grey “joystick” you used to have? The Quickshot Joyball or something.

I’m sure there are a load more.

Dude, what was with the whole sniffing thing??

Dunno. I was a kid. And “Dude????” Which part of the 1990’s are they living in over there?

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