I tried I really did. I really tried to think of a decent title for this post. Though, clearly I failed miserably. Which is a shame because it’s been an eventful few days. Firstly, for whatever reason I actually worked a bank holiday. Yes, I spent the last official day off before Xmas… er, not being off. People will get thinking I actually *like* the place if I continue at this rate.

I think it was for the best, as I have appeared the other side of it relatively unscathed.

The weekend was a blast, despite the fact I spent it pretty much entirely on my own. Friday can be written off as one of those days which didn’t exist, as I was on nights last week. So, I got up at about 5, did very little, had beer, went to bed.unexciting in every way.

Saturday was, again another day which didn’t seem to go anywhere. My dad got me up at about 4PM with breakfast in bed (well, a plate of chips, anyway) so I munched those, and we went to Netto. And (!) they were doing cheap Carling! Bonus! 2 crates of 24 were added to the trolley, along with a few other bits and bobs. Including crisps, sausage rolls, and various other unhealthy products.

So, I spent the evening doing “stuff”. I added a lot more to the streetlight site, and even got some comments up. But you’re still not seeing it yet. A select few have had a sneak preview, and the outcome is promising.

To start off, it’ll just be a section in the gallery, but it’ll give me an opportunity to play with some other bits of software.

Sunday came hurtling through the time barrier like any other day, really. Except that this time I’d got up early. Trying to get my sleep pattern onto something sensible meant that I woke up earlyish. Probably about 10:30, not that it really mattered, as Daddykins was off to Whitby for the day. So, he left, and I was left to my own devices, for the entire day. Great stuff. Though , initially I was depressed as hell about it. as it was going to be another day entirely isolated from the entire world.

But then, I looked out of the window. The sun was shining, and it looked pretty warm. What could I do? Yes, cut the hedge. I’m sure that’s the first thought that crosses everyone’s mind on a lovely day. I then realised that the neighbours on both sides of our house were away. So, I slapped a CD in the DVD player, whacked the telly up to full blast, and listened to some music. One good thing I discovered is that the remote works through the window! Great! I didn’t have to run in and switch songs every time a shite tune came on.

Neither me or my dad are keen gardeners The front garden looks like a rainforest, and the back garden is simply a dog toilet with a path going up the middle of it. It comes as no surprise that we’d loaned the hedge trimmer out, so I was forced to use shears. Old, rusty and fucking blunt shears at that. Sigh. So, while I was breaking my arms, my ears were treated to some of the greatest 80’s songs ever. So, 30 minutes later, I was done. My arms were killing. I couldn’t even hold a can of Pepsi straight. You’d have thought that would have been me for the day. Any type of hard work leaves me frustrated and sweaty, but no. Something posessed me to actually tackle the kitchen. The kitchen is a little worse than the back garden.

For instance, our draining board is unique in the fact that it doesn’t actually drain. Instead the water just sort of forms a puddle in the middle of it. This smelly phenomenon was first discovered when some type of meat product somehow snuck underneath the plate dryer, and rested quietly in the puddle. In the middle of summer. You can imagine what happened from there. I think I retched for about three hours solid. And the curry I was about to have at the time went back in the fridge. Thankfully, I’m happy to report this was an isolated incident, and although we haven’t got around to fixing the draining board, the situation is monitored on a regular basis.

Anyway, I did indeed clean it to the best of my ability, me being a man, and all of that. I cleaned the worktops, which was a job in itself. Firstly, the one next to the cooker, which was surprisingly easy. And I got a laugh too.

The previous night, there was a “large” spider on the wall above the window. Daddykins, for whatever reason, sprayed it with fly spray instead of just leaving it to go about its business. As I was tidying, I found this spider, on its back, laid flat in the middle of the worktop. Although I have no love for cobwebs, I don’t mind spiders, and I even felt a twinge of guilt as I attempted to sweep it into the bin. But! No sooner had I touched it, the fallen spider twitched. It was still alive! Though, if you can imagine what a stoned spider would look like, this particular arachnid would be pretty close to the mental image you’d have. It couldn’t exactly walk - more sway from side to side, before eventually going in the opposite direction to the one it chose. I’m not sure whether this was due to the dizzying effects of flyspray, or because I’d just doused the entire worktop in Flash. After getting a good giggle, I grabbed the spider by one of its (functioning) legs, and dropped it out of the window, inevitably sealing its fate of being part of the food chain.

Next came the toughie. Cleaning around the most used appliances in the whole house… kettle, toaster, George Foreman grill, microwave, fryer. This was to be the challenge I couldn’t let defeat me.

The area around the kettle was surprisingly easy. Despite the teastains looking like they’d been tattooed on, these were easily removed with a generous application of Flash, left to work for a few minutes. The GF grill was next, and although some of the stuff surrounding it didn’t look like organic material, it lifted off with a little hot water. I even cleaned the little plastic drip tray.

I decided that standing over the wheelie bin with a knife, scraping the fatty remnants of six-week old bacon was too gross after about 8 seconds of doing it, so I placed the drip tray in the yard, and poured boiling water on it. Within less than a second, it was sparky clean. Go me and my innovation! I rule!

But next, there was the microwave to contend with. Or rather, the bit in front of the microwave, where the cooked food first makes contact with the outside world. This, as you can probably gather, was curry heaven. Thankfully, most of the marks came right off, and the ones that stayed there sort of blended in with the worktop. But next, the ultimate challenge. The fryer. Well, it defeated me to a point. I tried to clean it. I really did. To the point where I tried pouring boiling water on it. But those marks just will not come off. though, to be perfectly honest, that was a task for another day. I was getting restless, my attention span had evaporated long before I’d thrown the spider out, though I stuck with it. until I was about 95% completed.

My boredom was short-lived, as I attempted to tidy the living room. Fuck that! On went the XBox, and I sat there for another hour or so, thrashing “Tiger Woods 2005″ for all it’s worth. Apparently, I’ve completed it 108%. What the hell does that mean?

Anyway, my mood was lightened after I defeated one of the computer players on my worst course (Paradise Cove). I was well impressed, though once again, my attention span collapsed like a…. wanking…. hippopota…. bicycles…. bloody hell, there it goes again.

I retired upstairs to maybe do some more work on my Streetlight site, and drink myself stupid. As usual.

Both things were done, to great effect. More pictures were added to both the (still unavailable!) streetlight site, as well as to the Steetley Gallery which is getting huge now.

It struck me, after quite a few bevvies that the neighbours were still away. Their car wasn’t parked outside This meant only one thing… LOUD MUSIC!!!!! And, loud it was. In fact the little LED on the front of my speakers dimmed to the rhythm of the bass until it eventually burned out. So it must have been loud. On one particular, I could feel the rush of air out of the speakers hit my face. That’s how loud it was.

However, Daddykins returned home at about 1AM, and ruined the entire night. Well, OK, not by his prescence, but the contents of the carrier bag he was carrying…

“Smell those”, he said, as he wafted it under my nose. Curiosity killed the cat, and I inhaled. It smelled like DEATH. In a CARRIER BAG. Yes, he’d been to Whitby and brought back CRABS. Not the itchy gentlemens’ companion, but the dead shellfish. I went nuts. I won’t go into detail exactly why, as I’m near the end of the longest blog entry I’ve wrote for ages, and I really don’t want to depress the fuck out of myself, but really, he should know better than to bring fish in this house, but he clearly didn’t.

So, despte a really good day, I went to bed depressed out of my mind, even worse was the prospect of work tomorrow, and the house smelling of crab when I finally got back.

Work was its usual, so I won’t really comment too much, though I did spend a large part of the day “borrowing” a wireless headset to see what it was like. And, it was great. I’m naturally a restless person, so being able to actually walk without being tethered to my desk by a shitty little flexy cord was really rather amazing. I’d literally dreamed the night before about having a wireless headset, sad bastard that I am. OK, so it wasn’t exactly a dream come true - I wasn’t stood naked in Focus telling a pink antelope how to run DXDIAG on his telly.

After 12 hours of the usual, I returned home. I suddenly had an urge to connect my scanner. I’ve not had that for a while. Mainly, the reason why, is this photo.

Look at it! The style! The glasses! The SIDEBOARDS! I was clearly the height of fashion as a 7-yr-old. This is interesting, as I had a full head of hair, which is something I can no longer say.

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