I’ve been up since 5AM. Just got back from Newcastle, or, more correctly, the Metro Centre, after a hastily arranged bowling/shopping trip with Coatesy. Well, I say “hastily”, it was arranged on Messenger, and on previous experience of messenger conversations, anything that’s said on there ever actually materialises.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter, because this DID go ahead. I arrived at his house bang-on time, which is unlike me. I walked there too, and it only took about half an hour.

We ended up going to Maccy D’s before getting the train. He had a breakfast bun to soften the blow of his JD ‘n’ Coke fuelled hangover. I had a bottle of water, because I was thirsty, and their drinks machine was knackered, which meant they’d probably overcharge me for a can of coke.

So, onto the train station. Our plans for the day were thrown into chaos, as we discovered there were no trains running between Sunderland and Newcastle. Oh no! We quickly rearranged the day so that we’d go to Sunderland instead. The train journey was uneventful, to say the least. I tried to work out how far away you can see Steetley, and I think it was a mile away from Sunderland station before it disappeared completely. So, that’s about 10 miles distance, then.

We arrive at Sunderland station fully expecting to spend the next few hours there. However, just as we try to find a timetable for the journey, a guard informed us that the Metro was still running to Newcastle. Whee! So, maybe the plans for the day weren’t out of the window after all.

So, we nip upstairs to buy a ticket. Would you credit it, BOTH of the ticket machines were out of order. Oh dear.

So, we hopped on the Metro, sans tickets. Was it our fault that the machines were fucked? No!

We spent the whole journey standing up. It’s not that far to Newcastle from Sunderland, but when you’re on a rickety cardboard train, with hilarious sound effects each time the doors close (it sounded like something off “Going For Gold”), it wasn’t the most comfortable experience on the planet.

A free Metro ride later, we arrive at Newcastle Central. It’s a station that has always held a dear place in my heart.

It’s a mainline station, so it’s huge. But there was always something I noticed about it…. the destination boards used to always be broken. I’ve been there about five times. The first time, the destination boards were stupidly large flip-dot displays, which constantly suffered from stuck pixels, to the point where some of the display wasn’t readable. It also took ages to update. No less than 3 years ago, these were replaced with plasma screens, which suffered from immense amounts of burn-in. And these have been replaced with LED boards now, which I expect will be around for quite a few years yet.

But, I digress. Next stop was getting the train from there to the Metro Centre. We hastily bought our tickets, and were amused to find that it was £1.90 return for a 6-minute journey. Robbing basts! It also proved that I STILL don’t know how to work those infernal contraptions.

We arrive at the Metro Centre. The train driver was most amusing at that point. “Now approacting The Metro Centre. This train terminates at The Metro Centre. GET OFF”.

The first thing on my mind was food. And liquid. The bottle of water bought at Manky D’s had ran its course, and after spending the last two hours sweltering in tin cans with wheels, it was time to top up my fluids. And, my eyes lit up, as the second shop you come to after leaving the Metro Centre train station is a Greggs!!! A pasty and a bottle of coke later, I was ready for the world. Or, at least, ready to go bowling.

On our way there, Coatesy bought a coat. That doesn’t add much to the story, however, so there wasn’t much point mentioning it. Ahem.

A short walk later, we’re greeted by the bowling alley. A place full of neon, and wooden floors. The price was £9.90 each for three games. That’ll ding-dang-do for us.

Best of three games, it was. But, it certainly wasn’t the best three games I’d ever played. And, I’m user Coatesy will have something to say about this in the comments section.

While at school, for our PE lessons, we used to go bowling, at the local “Hollywood Bowl”, which has since closed and reopened as something else. Anyway, during those lessons, I did manage to knock up a formidable bowling technique, and used to bowl quite well, I think my personal best was something like 150, even scoring a turkey at one point

This form I remember being repeated in the bowling trip (also with Coatesy) in February 2001. My mind also recalls an exploding fluorescent tube on that trip. However, today, the only thing exploding was my personal “worst” record.

It didn’t start off that way, however. The very first frame I ended up getting a spare, while Coatesy started with a big, fat 0. Confidence oozed from every orifice, which was a bit of a problem, as the floor was slippery enough.

I’d forgotten how heavy the balls were, and how much even one game hurts your arms. But the most important thing I’d forgotten was how to bowl. I vaguely remember something about putting unnecessary spin on the ball, this I did in almost every frame thereafter.

2 games down, one to play. Things looking bleak was an understatement.

We entered the third game, and I was improving. Even the automatic scorer felt sorry for me, after messing up Coatesy’s score twice… the first time, the pins were set up incorrectly, and the one in the middle fell down. Somehow it recorded that as a go. The 2nd time, he knocked down 7 pins, despite the scoreboard recording that he’d knocked down none. Ho ho! We edited that one, not that it would make any difference, seeing as I was playing abysmally.

Nearing the end of the match, I clocked up another spare, only my 2nd of the match. Could I finally catch him? Not a fucking hope in hell. No sooner had I stopped celebrating, he wandered up, threw the ball down the lane, and got a strike. I could have cried.

Sadly, we didn’t get a print out of the scores. What a *shame*!! It was shop time after that. I’d came down with the sole purpose of buying STUFF. And I’m damn sure I was not to disappoint my self.

The first shop we went into was Woolies. While browsing the DVD collection, I’d noticed one by none other than Kevin “Bloody” Wilson, an Austrailian comedian I’d been introduced to by his music. Technically, he’s the Oz version of Chubby Brown. I haven’t seen any of his live stuff and I was really quite interested in this DVD, however, it was priced at £16.99. Ergh. Sadly, I put it back on the shelf.

While in Woolies, Coatesy said “Cheer up, man!” Wha? I was having a great time! He says this a lot to me, and I don’t know why. I was in Woolies. Browsing DVD’s. With “Mike + the Mechanics” playing on the tannoy. On a day off work. In a town other than Hartlepool. I was in my *element*. It was not possible for me to get any more happier. Maybe I just pull a frown while I’m browsing DVD’s? I dunno…

Next stop, Music Zone. Hartlepool has a branch, and I could spend half of my life in there. Dirt cheap DVD’s and CD’s. A bit like that “Play” store I mentioned in the town, but a lot more organised.

Imagine my overwhelming delight when I went to the DVD section and noticed…. yup, you guessed it… “Kevin Bloody Wilson”. Exactly the same DVD I’d been gawping over in Woolies. The difference in price. £10.02.

Yes, they had the DVD on sale for £6.97. Did I buy it?

Of course I did. Who do you take me for?

In fact, my Music Zone receipt makes interesting reading. Somewhere along the line, I’d acquired a £1 discount.too. Neat! I’m loving that store even more.