Little plums and sandwich bags.
Heh. I keep meaning to update this. And, in fact, over the last few days I’ve had a bloody good go. But I’ve never actually got one finished. So here’s an attempt to 2 get some type of update in order. Yes, it’s quite obvious that writer’s block is still taking hold. Gah. Curse these hot, long summer days
Aanyway. I’m sure you’re all dying to know what I’ve been up to. Well, firstly, let’s take an excerpt from one of the unfinished blogs….
Jim commented this very morning about the fact I’d looked like I’d just got out of bed. I’ve been in some states many a time, but that’s the first time anyone’s ever commented on it. Well, to my face anyway.
It might be this shirt actually (my greyish-brown, checky one with the short sleeves). It’s my 2nd favourite shirt, and the only one in my work cycle with short arms. But it really is on its last legs, or arms, as it were. Ahem. On that note, I believe the funds in my account will graciously cover a shopping spree of annual proportions
Speaking of Jim, he deserves a special mention in this entry, due to him donating a 21″ monitor to yours truly. I’ve not been able to use it yet, as it’s still stuck on the living room floor, as I’ve not been able to get it upstairs! It should be up here tomorrow.
Well, following on from that, yes I did arrange a shopping spree. Yesterday, I went down and spent about £80 on new clothes, including more trousers! Hurrah! I also had a haircut, and a shave, so the beard’s disappeared down the sink again. The monitor is STILL downwstairs, awaiting its place on my desk, and awaiting a crane of some sort to lift it up. Well, not a crane, but something strong anyway.
SO, the last few days then. Tuesday, I was off work, but it was a washout. I just lazed around all day, doing positively nothing. I’m trying to remember Tuesday, and I can’t. So, it was that forgetful, and I was that tired.
Wednesday was a little more exciting. Firstly, I received my copy of Andrew Gold’s 1976 LP “What’s Wrong With This Picture?” The cover is great, and although it wasn’t one of the reasons I bought it originally, the cover has a number of mistakes on it. Apparently, there’s about 30-odd, but I’ve only spotted about 10 of them. None of them are plainly obvious either, and I’m spotting a new one everytime I look at it.
Of course, the main reason I bought said record is to get the full length version of “Lonely Boy”, a song, apparently, nobody younger than 40 has heard of. Shame, it’s great. And I thought it was dead popular. Oh well
Which reminds me, something I can’t believe I’ve not blogged about, is the arrival of Darryl Way’s “Little Plum”. Oh yes. After 10 years (or something) of searching, I found it on ebay about a month ago.
LOOK AT IT. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I know the font’s gone back to your browser default, but meh. I still have more to post.
And we start, by mocking 21st Century cunture. Heheh. ‘Cunture’ there was a typo, I actually meant ’21st Century Culture’, but I laughed so hard at my own mistake, I’ve kept it in there.
In fact, no, it describes it so well, I’ll keep the original name. Cunture.
You see, as a child, by the time I was 25, I had hoped for som much from the future. Jet packs, cures for diseases I can’t even spell, computers 1,000 more powerful than my ZX Spectrum.
2005 was supposed to be the dawn of the futuristic era. What do we get instead? Wait for it, you may need to brace yourself, for the greatest thing you can buy in the stores today.
It’s a sandwich bag, with a seal sticker that says “Wicked”. Oh, what a time to be alive!
Seriously. Who thinks these things up? Is it supposed to make you look forward more to the bland, stale sandwich you’ve placed inside it? Do you look at the sticker and think “Yeah, this Ham sandwich is WICKED! Who cares if the mayo is on the turn? It’s WICKED because the sticker told me so!”
Three hours later, you wake up in casualty, having your stomach pumped, all because a sticker made you enjoy a putrid blob of gunk more than you should have. And then you find it’s given you an incurable disease you can’t even spell. Oh, the chances, eh?
This “power of suggestion” thing sould catch on. I’m going to create a fridge that says “Cool!”, a hammer that says “Bangin!” and toilet paper that has “Hot Shit!” printed on it.
Speaking of Hot Shit, I had an indian last night. Mmmmmmm. Coatesy came round, and, we watched 4 out of the 6 episodes of “That Peter Kay Thing”, and the afore mentioned indian went down a treat. I had chicken madras and a naan bread, Coatesy had a chicken Korma.
So, onto Friday. Work beckoned, but after a night of really strange dreams (one involving eating donkey meat and actually quite liking it), I awoke, fresh as a daisy, and ready for work (they haven’t finished us all yet). I fought my way through the boredom, by playing with a half size, half inflated basketball. The boredom was lifted by reading through the promo cards.
They’re great. At the bottom of each of them is a question, bastically along the lines of “In Ten words or less, What do you hate about the planet?”
92% put boring shit like crime, war, famine, etc. The other 9% put “Product X is too expensive” But sometimes you get some gems that stick in your head….
“Why can dogs lick their balls when we can’t?”
“Hamburgers in a tin and students”
The moral of the story, if you receive one of these cards in a CD/DVD/Game/Magazine, whatever, if it has one of these cards with some type of tiebreaker line on it, make it funny. Someone has to type them in. You can fill it in with your true feelings, and depress someone even more, by reading the same shite 15,000,000 have already put, or you can be funny. Brighten a scrabble tapper’s day, make them laugh.
Or don’t, because I only read them when bored, I don’t have to type them in. Hurrah, etc.
And, for once, I’ve actually finished a blog, I’d like to thank my manager, my father, all of the people who believed I could do it.
