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Hartlepool spiders. Yes! They are the chav race of all spiders.
I must admit, despite my broom pushing antics of a few months ago, where I managed to smash 0.5″ thick glass, I have nothing against arachnids. As long as they don’t weave their webs anywhere near me, I’m cool.
This is why I feel guilty. Chris left my house tonight, and noticed a huge spider on the wall outside. This is a typical Hartlepool spider - bloody huge. I was so amazed, I picked it up in my hands and carried it into the house. So while I had my beast in my hands, I spoke to my dad about it. He told me the swelling was normal, and that I should rub m…. Oh, SHIT. Er. Yes, spiders.
With this spider in my clutches, I showed Daddykins. He announced it as a “Diadem”. Now, I know, subconsciousally, quite a bit about spiders… this wasn’t a diadem, who I’m sure are your average garden spider who spin supporting threads, followed by circular webs. This to me wasn’t a diadem.
The legs were longer, and the body was about 3 times the size.
As I was saying, I captured this beast in my hands, and no matter how much I writhed and tugged it, I couldn’t make the magic liquid app… oh, there it goes….. um… oh yes, my family read this. *rewinds tape*
As I was saying, I captured this beast in my hands, and held it there while I went to grab a camera. (even though that DOES sound dirty, I was referring to the spider as the beast. If you thought otherwise, we’re on the same wavelength). Something happened, and said spider fell to the floor. Now, with my fear of cobwebs, and a spider that size (who could probably repaper a small school in silk) scuttling about the floor, I only had one option. Out came the Size 10 trainers. Squish. It’s spread across roughly a foot’s worth (12″, not size 10) of carpet
I can still see it, and I still feel guilty.
If spiders wanted to take over the world, I’d vote for them!
