Feeling unloved this Valentines day? Join the club. Let’s tot up the total of cards received since I started this blog three years ago.. *tappa tappa tappa*

NONE.

So, in the spirit of this immensely depressing day, I bring you a special poem, hand-written specially for all of the many females who have simply ignored my affection and love over these past 24 years. A-one, two, three, four….

Violets are blue,
Roses are Red,
Nobody Likes You,
I wish you were dead.

I didn’t write anything about Valentines in 2002.